I Was A Big Bad

Sorry bee. I am so sorry.

You came in with the garden refuse from my little deck and thawed, all unbeknownst to me. When you emerged from the garbage bag, in all your very large, winged glory, you scared me.

I had to set upon you. You couldn't over winter with me. And I couldn't set you free.

You will know go to you grave with the left over spaghetti. A bad end.

I shall set up a small shrine to you and honor your brethren.


"Talking about myself is revolting to me. It makes me ill for days to talk about myself. For years no one paid any attention to me, no one wanted to know a thing about me. Now, because I’ve been in a picture, I’m expected to answer any and all personal questions. I’m just not doing it." — Katharine Hepburn


The Shadow In Matter

We are hyperspatial objects of some sort that cast a shadow onto matter. The shadow in matter is our physical organism.
—  Terence McKenna
David Hockney

What it can mean to be a girl from Wisconsin

I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain 
and I am quite free.
  - Georgia O’Keeffe


"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."

"I hate flowers - I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move."

Alfred always became inflamed at the sight of steaming radiator.

Giovanni Costetti, Ritratto di Dino Campana, 1909

The artist must possess the courageous soul that dares and defies.
—  Kate Chopin

Path leading to Ganjin’s grave at Tōshōdai-ji in Nara, Japan.

Sun, Arise!

Good morning.


“Nine times out of ten, talking is a way of avoiding doing things.”

“Kazul’s not my dragon.” Cimorene said sharply. “I’m her princess. You’ll never have any luck dealing with dragons if you don’t get these things straight.”

Dealing With Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede

Suit of One Color

"Only Lisa and [Today team member Sylvia Jeffreys] know about the suit. They often remark that it's getting a bit stinky. I'm hoping to get it into the dry cleaners at the end of the year."

Karl Stefanovic revealed that (as a comment on sexism in the media) he has been wearing the same suit on air every day for a year and NO ONE noticed.

After female co-hosts were constantly criticized about what they wore, he began his one suit marathon to see if the same would happen to him.

Yeah, no.

"No one has noticed; no one gives a shit. But women, they wear the wrong colour and they get pulled up. They say the wrong thing and there’s thousands of tweets written about them. Women are judged much more harshly and keenly for what they do, what they say and what they wear… I’ve worn the same suit on air for a year - except for a couple of times because of circumstance - to make a point. I’m judged on my interviews, my appalling sense of humour - on how I do my job, basically. Whereas women are quite often judged on what they’re wearing on how their hair is." -Karl Stefanovic

Curves are so emotional. (Piet Mondrian)

 Recently re-introduced to Piet Mondrian's naturalism phase, followed by the move into the landscapes and luminsm, the lush yet stark color is almost intoxicating.

Practicing yoga, Piet strikes a pose. Apologies for late night cheesiness.
The man (born in the Netherlands) joins other Dutch painters to be stared at for hours. But all previous for me had been realists that would capture me with a dew drop on the petal of one flower amongst so many wondrous things. There are a few at the Milwaukee Art Museum that I could cram my face so near that I could (thank the gods) see the brush strokes.

"Pieter Cornelis Mondrian was born on March 7th 1872 in Amersvoort in central Holland and lived there for the first eight years of his life. He was the second child of four, with two brothers and one sister. His father Pieter Cornelis Sr. was headmaster of an elementary school, a gifted draftsman and amateur artist. Uncle Frits Mondrian was a self-taught painter and commercially successful, even the Russian court bought his work. As Piet Jr. progressed towards abstract art, he came into conflict with uncle Frits, which seems to have had something to do with Piet Mondrian signing his paintings with "Piet Mondrian" (instead of Mondriaan) from 1912 on."*

-on view from apartment...
"Trees! How ghastly!" Piet Mondrian
"In 1908 Mondrian became deeply involved in the latest developments in art, and in the course of the next 10 years or so he developed with astonishing rapidity through a succession of styles. He began to use pure, glowing colors and expressive brushwork under the influence of pointillism and Fauvism in pictures which are almost like those of Vincent Van Gogh in their vivid colors and intensity of expression. Motifs such as church towers and windmills were painted in a blaze of color with staccato, pointillist brushstrokes. But Mondrian soon turned to a more monumental and simplified treatment in which the motif was depicted close up, in isolation, dominating the picture area symmetrically, and the pointillist brushstrokes were replaced by large unmodulated areas of color." ** 

His eventual move to Paris began his move from naturalism to toward Cubism which lead to his own Neoplasticism (de Stijl).

From the Red Tree to the Gray Tree, the change in styles is exuberant and astonishing.

"While Mondrian was visiting home in 1914, World War I began, forcing him to remain in The Netherlands for the duration of the conflict. During this period, he stayed at the Laren artist's colony, there meeting Bart van der Leck and Theo van Doesburg, who were both undergoing their own personal journeys toward Abstraction. Van der Leck's use of only primary colors in his art greatly influenced Mondrian. After a meeting with Van der Leck in 1916, Mondrian wrote, "My technique which was more or less Cubist, and therefore more or less pictorial, came under the influence of his precise method." *** Van Doesburg founded a magazine called "De Stijl" (The Style) for which Piet Mondrian wrote a few articles.

"They were of the opinion that artists, architects and sculptors should work together to create a new society that would be in tune with "the laws of the universe". The art that went with it should be clear in form and spiritual, as opposed to earthly. Natural forms were earthly, straight lines and angles spiritual. Thus "it would not be impossible to create a paradise on Earth", they said. Now De Stijl is known as an art movement, almost synonymous with the red, yellow and blue neo-plasticism paintings of Piet Mondrian." *

And thus were created all the paintings that are now synonymous with Mondrian.

* from biography located here

** from here

*** from ye olde Wikipedia


Ten Steps To Overcoming Chronic Pain
by Mark Grant MA

Chronic pain is a serious problem but is often made worse by misinformation, negative attitudes and beliefs, outdated ideas, negative emotions. It is recognized that chronic pain is often mismanaged, not because we lack adequate treatments, but because of fear and ignorance. These steps are designed to help you mentally cope with chronic pain in the best way possible.

1. Make sure you understand what kind of a problem pain really is.

Chronic pain is different to other medical problems, which can often be treated relatively easily and successfully. Chronic pain is a complex illness, caused and maintained by a combination of physical, psychological and neurological factors.

These multiple causes make it difficult to pinpoint any one cause for pain, or any one treatment. Pain is also often dismissed or poorly treated because of the 'baggage' of old ideas about pain - for example, pain where the physical cause is unknown is often under-treated. This is despite the fact that the role of neurological factors means pain can occur in the absence of external causes and that such pain should not be dismissed or considered abnormal.

The medical establishment has struggled to meet the challenge of pain, and now recognizes that this problem cannot be overcome without combining input from other disciplines such as psychology and physical therapies. Pain is also a subjective experience which is impossible to accurately measure. Pain involves a range of emotional reactions including anxiety, fear and depression.

2. Acceptance

Chronic pain is so awful that sometimes it's easier to escape into wishing it had never happened, or hoping for a miracle cure. If persistent, these common reactions to pain can actually become a bit of a trap. You need to face the reality of what's happened, and find constructive ways of dealing with it.

Acceptance means more than just intellectually knowing that you have pain, it means actually allowing yourself to feel the anxiety, fear, anger and grief that go with pain. Acceptance is a process, which requires progressively acknowledging all your feelings, and getting your physical and emotional needs.

In order to accept and go through the negative emotions associated with chronic pain, you must have adequate safety and support. Safety means having adequate control over your pain through the right combination of medical, physical and psychological treatment inputs. Support means having adequate emotional support from family and friends giving you a feeling of containment and security.

The end product of acceptance is reduced pain, inner peace, less anxiety and better coping.

3. Take Control.

After many months or even years of pain and failed treatments, its easy to slip into feeling hopeless and that nothing can be done. Pain sufferers are often the butt of negative treatment and it's easy to end up feeling angry and victimized. They often have some justification for feeling this way.

Maybe you didn't cause the pain, and maybe you aren't happy with some aspects of your treatment, but guess what? - life isn't fair. Blaming others for your problems, however well-justified, turns you into a victim and is like giving away control of your life. You are allowing yourself to be led by your emotions, but you do have a choice. Take the easy path (which isn't really so easy) and simply blame others, or take control and get information, communicate assertively with your doctor, practicing pain-management strategies such as regular exercise, pacing and relaxation and stress-management.

You need to decide whether you want to be a victim or a survivor, a passenger or a driver. Your pain is no-one else's problem but your own. You do have rights and even responsibilities as a health consumer and a patient. Because chronic pain is difficult to detect or measure, you need to be an informed, active participant in your treatment.

Don't be afraid to ask questions, don't be afraid to tell the doctor what you think and what you want, don't be afraid to ask for stronger pain relief.

4. Have a good working relationship with your doctor.

An open and trusting relationship with your doctor is essential. This means being able to tell your doctor how you feel, ask questions and feel listened to and understood.

The doctor-patient relationship must be a two-way street. Although you rely on your doctor's "expert" opinion for treatment advice, he depends on you for accurate information on which to base his decisions. It is your responsibility to describe your symptoms as accurately as possible and to report back regarding treatment outcomes, even if unfavourable.

Under-reporting of pain has been identified as one of the biggest causes of mismanagement of pain. The doctor-patient relationship can be undermined by bad communication, ignorance, arrogance and fear. For example, many people are actually afraid to tell their doctor how they are feeling for fear of being labelled as weak or a complainer. Other patients report down-playing the severity of their pain because they don't want their doctor to feel like a failure!

You should feel that you can talk to your doctor, that he listens and respects you, and be satisfied that he is working competently and thoroughly on your behalf. You also have a right to change doctors if you are dissatisfied.

5. Never ignore pain.

In the treatment of chronic pain it has become fashionable to recommend ignoring pain (after medical investigations are complete) in the belief that it is only pain and there is nothing physically wrong.

This approach represents a pendulum-swing away from the old fashioned notion of prescribing bed-rest in favor of maintaining activity. The idea is that inactivity only leads to depression and does not help the problem anyway.

However, with certain types of pain, this can lead to a cycle of aggravation, sleep deprivation, exhaustion and increased pain and suffering, particularly if you are someone who typically ignores pain (ignoring pain is of course, what causes most repetitive strain injuries).

The other problem with ignoring pain is that every time pain occurs, it leaves an imprint in your nervous system, a kind of 'pain memory'. These repetitive pain experiences lead to over-stimulation of the nervous system and the generation of spontaneous pain signals, leading to a cycle of stress and pain. There are thus sound reasons for wanting to avoid pain, but again, total inactivity is not the answer. The best approach is a balanced one with paced activity levels and avoiding undue aggravation of the pain.

6. Have a balanced approach to physical activity.

It can be tempting to adopt a "do nothing" approach, in the hope that you may avoid further pain. As we have indicated, since chronic pain is partly caused by neurological changes, avoiding activity will not stop the pain. Avoiding activity also leads to muscle wasting and a build-up of waste-products in the tissues, which can actually exacerbate pain.

At other times, you may feel frustrated and force yourself to complete relatively major tasks (eg mowing the lawns) knowing that it will hurt later. This may cause you to have to take two days of bed rest to recover. This "all or nothing" approach is inappropriate and ineffective in the long run.

You need to pace activity levels. You can do this on your own, via "trial and error" or with a bit of 'coaching' in the form of professional help. The support and guidance of a sympathetic health professional is highly desirable to maintain motivation and deal with fears and obstacles along the way.

7. Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!

Loss of sleep caused by inadequately managed pain can lead to a cycle of fatigue, depression and irritability. Inability to sleep, or waking up feeling tired, are signs that your pain is not being managed properly. Developing a restful sleep pattern is essential to coping with chronic pain. Improving your sleep will give you more energy and help you feel more able to cope.

There are many things you can do to get better sleep including relaxing, perhaps by taking a hot bath, listening to music or playing a favorite relaxation tape before going to sleep; self-hypnosis; a good mattress; posture; medication; and good overall stress-management.

8. Make sure you have adequate support.

Many chronic pain sufferers become isolated, alienated from loved ones, their work-mates and society. Inadequate social or emotional support can lead to isolation, depression, and increased risk of suicide. People who normally pride themselves on being independent and not needing others are particularly 'at risk'.

Unfortunately, the negative reactions of others can discourage chronic pain sufferers from talking about their problems or seeking help. The unhelpful reactions of people you thought you could rely on can be very disappointing, it's another thing that falls into the 'life isn't fair' basket.

The reality is it's simply ridiculous to expect yourself to be able to cope on your own with a chronic illness that robs you of your ability to work love and play. Having adequate emotional support greatly increases your ability to cope.

Talking to close family and friends is vital. A family talk with your doctor of psychologist can also help by enabling them to learn more about your condition and talk about things in a neutral environment.

9. Don't expect people who don't have pain to understand what it's like.

It's frustrating, and easy to get angry when others don't seem to understand. However, because chronic pain sufferers often have no visible injury, it is easy for family and friends, and especially children, to forget there is anything wrong. They may also 'forget' because it is hard for them to have to live with the knowledge that a loved one is in pain.

So don't expect people who don't have pain to understand what it's like and be prepared to have to remind others about your limitations. Children especially cannot be expected to understand the implications of a condition like chronic pain. It's a lesson that has to be repeated many times.

10. Forgive yourself.

The lost ability to work, love and play caused by chronic pain can create feelings of guilt and failure. Become aware of your own expectations, and any feelings of shame or guilt and examine them critically. Chances are you didn't ask to be in pain.

Repressed feelings of shame lead to resentment and later emerge as anger. Feeling guilty can also be a subtle form of self-indulgence - when you engage in self-blame you are really wallowing in self-pity.

Forgiveness and letting go of guilt will be easier if you choose a proactive approach by adopting these 10 Steps.


From Unlikely Words Tumbling, more words on Bill Murray than you can shake a gopher at.


There’s a Bill Murray interview in the latest Esquire that has some good stuff. There’s also a few parts that should have been cut.

I’m not trying to be coy. It’s just practical for me. When the phone started ringing too many times, I had to take it back to what I can handle. I take my chances on a job or a person as opposed to a situation. I don’t like to have a situation placed over my head.

For hardcore fans, here is a big profile of Murray from 2004 where he talks about not enjoying the making of Steve Zissou:

“A fireplace.” Murray sounds sardonic; I’m unsure if he’s joshing about the fireplace. He spent five months in Italy this past winter making The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, due out this Christmas, his third film with director Wes Anderson. Apparently, fireplace or no, it wasn’t fun, at least for Mr. Bill. All the action takes place on a boat—Murray’s character, Steve Zissou, is a Jacques Cousteau type seeking to avenge his partner’s death by shark—but Murray won’t discuss the awful details.

“It’s like talkin’ about war stories,” he says. “I can’t even think about it. My impression of Italy before doing this job was that it’s one of the greatest, most beautiful places in the world. After this job, if you say ‘Italy’ to me, it’s like a whole lotta cockroaches in one room—you don’t know what to deal with first. It was by far the hardest job I’ve ever had, and I always work hard. I work the same hard on all of ‘em. But this one—I’ve been kidding about it, saying they almost broke me, and they may have and I just don’t know it yet.”

Well, I say, I’m sure it’s gonna turn out to be a good—

“God damn it,” Murray snarls, “the movie better be the greatest movie ever made. If it’s not, I’m gonna kill Anderson. He’s a dead man. If it’s not the greatest movie ever made, or in the top ten, he may as well just move to China and change his name to Chin, and he better get himself a small room in a small town—and even then, I’ll hunt him down.”

And then, because I love you all very much and I was bored yesterday, I went looking for as many Bill Murray articles as I could find.

August, 1984. Bill Murray and John Byrum. Rolling Stone
November, 1988. The Rumpled Anarchy of Bill Murray. New York Times
July, 1990 Bill Murray. “Quick Change” artist. rogerebert.com
February, 1993. Groundhog Day Review. NYTimes.com
January, 1999. A conversation with actor Bill Murray. Charlie Rose
February, 2001. Bill Murray. Salon.com
December, 2004. Life enigmatic with Bill Murray. USA Today
December, 2004. Never Out Of His Depth. Washington Post
February, 2005. Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray. ESPN
October, 2005. Pearce meets Bill Murray. The Guardian
June 2010. Bill Murray: The Man Who Knew Too Much. BlackBook
July, 2010. Bill Murray: The Curious Case of Hollywood’s White Whale. EW.com
July, 2010. Bill Murray. The Moviefone Blog
August, 2010. Bill Murray Is Ready To See You Now. GQ


An x-ray showing a Buzz Lightyear action figure lodged in the anal cavity. The patient explained that it got stuck when it was inserted and a button was accidentally pushed, extending out the wings.

from nzafro
(via pleatedjeans)

My brain = bunny.


His simple joy in singing this song coupled with his over-sized hat make me identify strongly with this stranger.