Scented Balls the new Rage in Milwaukee!

No, no one is spraying room fresheners down their pants or lighting incense sticks in their whitey tighties.

We're talking scented bowling balls, sillies!

Four-time Professional Bowlers Association champ Ryan Shafer says he may have won a match because an opponent was distracted by his black licorice-scented ball.

At Storm Products, bowlers can choose from chocolate, cinnamon, orange, lemonade, banana and cherry, among others delightful scents.

Neil Stremmel, research director for the United States Bowling Congress, said most bowlers don'’t use their balls for scent or color, but for performance.

"But, “I like the smell of my grape ball,"” he said.

On the product site, there is a guide to keeping your balls clean and a MatchMaker that sets buyers up with the balls perfect for their needs. Want clear balls? This is the place!

My favorite? The Atomic Charge, in cranberry!

Another Injured Penis

Ya gotta love rugby.

When the Hurricanes beat the beloved Sharks, sixteen fans in South Africa just couldn't take the pressure. They were quickly corralled at a drunk driving road black.

Forty of the furious fans were served with tickets for various speeding offences, like speeding and speeding.

Four of them, staggered by the lose of another game, were charged with possession of drugs.

And one of them is in hospital.

Yes, that's the one you want to read about.

Doctors had to repair the damage from a bullet that's trajectory took it right through his penis and out one of his of his buttocks

The man with the very sore penis was being searched for drugs when the genius idea of running away occurred to him.

Oddly, the police ran after him. When the man turned around, allegedly with a gun in his hand, his penis was in peril.

"He pulled the trigger, but it was jammed," said Supt Glen Nayagar. "It was too late because the policeman returned the fire and the bullet penetrated his penis and came out of his buttocks."

Why?

The Bad News Bears, that crap moving about disenfranchised kids playing baseball and learning about life, is being re-made by the re-make maniacs in Hollywood.

This and having the 'Good Ship Lollipop' stuck in my head have made me a bit touchy today.

Another episode of Jen hates AOL

In their new terms of service, that apply to anyone who downloaded the instant messenger program after February 5, anything displayed or written in their messages becomes the property of AOL to be used and distributed however they want.

I don't like their browser, I hate their ads.

Space Monkey on the Tenor Sax?

Music you love, music that moves you, music you wrapped your angst-filled self with in your youth: Now available in jazz formats. Yes, Patti Smith, Jane's Addiction and Soundgarden are reformulated for a new, older generation brought to you by actress and funny gal, Lea Delaria on her new album, Double Standards. From swing to Cassandra Wilson-ish dedoodles, DeLaria does a surprisingly good job. Raised on Coltrane, Bird and Miles Davis, De Laria moved to the harder stuff in her teenage years and decided to meld the two together.

Just the imagine the expressions on your friends faces as they listen and gradually figure out what the hell is playing.

A mullet symposium?


No! It's
the Richmond U hockey team!


No Hole!

An Ex-Marine says the story the press and the public heard about the capture of Saddam Hussein was made up!

Hey!

I curl up with a book(Greg Iles BLOOD MEMORY), devour it, and when I check back with the world, Mount St Helens has erupted again. Locals and seismologists are calling it a 'volcanic burp.'

I have not sanctioned this!

No one checked with me!

This is really beginning to annoy me.

The Most Demented Childhood Nostalgia

Demented man Wayne Ross is compiling digital archives of ALL the Doctor Demento shows!

Remember Dead Puppies and Fishheads?

Me. Tickled mauve.

Another man cuts off penis, eats it

Ya gotta love that title; another man cuts penis, eats it.

A 40-year-old Ernesto Almonte's from the Philippines is recovering in hospital in after cutting off his penis and eating it.

A hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."

That is a classic quote!

In 2003 a Malaysian man cut off his penis and fried it up before making a meal of it.

Support, not isolation

In a city famous for cannibalistic killers and minority hating cops comes a new concept in education.

A school for kids that have been beaten and bullied at other schools.

More on the Alliance School here.

Bodily functions discouraged where books are present

California Libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules banning offensive body odor since 1994, but the policy became law last month. The Board of Supervisors adopted an ordinance that lets authorities kick out malodorous guests.

When I worked at a bookstore, many, many years ago, an ordinance like this would have been like sunshine after a month of smelly rain.

While I put out new magazines a man farted for, and I am not exaggerating, two minutes. He created his very own hole in the ozone.

Another man repeatedly picked up books, picked his nose, wiped his findings on the pages and put the books back on the shelf. Usually in the cooking section. Odd.

Oft times I would find teenage boys in the Sci Fi/Fantasy section with Playboy scrunched between the pages of Game Player Magazine or Car and Driver.

Children constantly threw up on the floor or tossed cereal about in a bored attempt at garnering attention.

And Fundamentalist Christians spent hours leaving leaflets in the pages of occult books.

I'll never forget the bomb threat we received for carrying erotica.

Ah, those weren't the days.

The American Wage War

Everyone knows we Americans love war. We have a beautiful internal war raging in the Senate as Democrats propose to raise a national minimum wage that hasn't been raised in eight years.

In those eight years, congress has given themselves seven wage increases.

The minimum wage is $5.15. That comes to $206 a month before taxes.

Let's approximate amonth's living, after taxes. A minimum wage employee makes $618 a month.
Rent is, lets say, $500 a month.
Utilities, at the bare minimum, $35.
A bus pass, $32.
The bare minimum of food, $240.
That's $807.

Let's get a roommate in our tiny one bedroom.
That's $557.

An extra $61 per month!

The federal guidelines for the poverty level in the 48 Contiguous
States and D.C. of $ 9,570.

But some Republicans feel an increase $1.10 over 18 months is enough.

And many Republicans feel no increase is necessary.

It is unlikely an increase would survive the Senate and the House has no plans to vote this year on a minimum wage increase. They claim it would force drive up costs and force small businesses to lay off workers. Which could very well be true.

As this is debated, a bankruptcy bill, long a priority for Republicans, is intended to make it more difficult for people to eliminate personal debts by declaring bankruptcy.

Isn't it ironic?

An A-Mazing Mullet



We're a little puzzled to, Ziggy.


More Powerful than an Enraged Policeman!

Available to the public, from Taser International, tasers more powerful than the ones police carry on the job. The police, many of whom are known to have used them on grandma's and small children, are upset. The use of tasers by any is quite controversial.

Got a cool thousand laying around?

From 20 to 300 in three killings

Allen Breed reports "the number of serial killers out there is elusive."

At first, this can seem like an obvious statement, almost laughable in its simplicity, but there are so many schools of thought behind the estimated number of serial killers, any black and white statement would seem too bold.

Jack Levin, who studies violence at Boston's Northeastern University, estimates conservatively that there are about 20 serial killers operating nationwide, accounting for about 200 victims a year. Ann Rule, a true-crime author and serial killer expert from Seattle, figures there are about 300 such predators lurking "just below our level of awareness."

"In the past we have had people here on our staff that have tried to make educated - or uneducated, guesses," says FBI spokesman Ken Gross. He said the FBI's headquarters offices were working with state and local officials on 16 cases they believe are connected to serial killers, but there may be others not involving the headquarters.

Back when he coined the phrase "serial killer," former FBI profiler Robert Ressler could safely say that most of his prey were single, white, unemployed males. And it seemed the United States had the market cornered.

Now we know there are serial killers everywhere, from America to Australia. America's proclivity towards violence, the expanse of the land itself and the ease with which weapons can be procured could arguably be said to explain the higher number in this country. Studies on the environment capable of producing a serial killers, no matter how extensive, can never be definitive. These aren't cooperative subjects giving will testimony. Even killers like Henry Lee Lucas (the only murderer George W. Bush saved from the death penalty), despite an apparent talkativeness, are more than capable of outright lies.

These killers are, and will remain, elusive to those that try to understand them and those that try to understand them.

When people question why serial killers go so long without being caught, Ressler is piqued.

"When you get a person that is a ghost, who is operating in an invisible status, it can take a long time."

Divine Superhero?

Spiderman's Greatest Bible Stories

I Park like an Idiot


Bumper Stickers for those who have special relation challenges.




It's official

A quick tour of Henning Mankell's site, an author I savor, provides info on the trailors for the upcoming film production of the movie Before the Frost.

Also on the site, but something I did not avail myself of, is Henning Mankell computer wallpaper. I honestly can't think of a single author I'd want wallpaper of, but Mr. Mankell would be rather ow on the list.

Divine Pretzel?


Of course, it's for sale on eBay.
Divinity has a price.


The Sounds of Writing

My parents theorized that babies that learned to sleep in the midst of chaos could sleep through anything. They would put us down for naps in the dining room, privy to all the noise suburbia had to provide. Which was a hell of a lot. Nothing like the modern leaf blowers and the guy across the street with the beagle named Olivergoddammit!, but there were wood chippers, doorbells, Jehovah's Witnesses and soap operas then.

Thusly, have I become a noise junky. I need noise to sleep, I need noise when I write and I'm often making noise when I wake up. I have loud dreams.

It is an annoying fact of my life that I need noise to write. About 93.5 % of the writers I know need silence; my best case scenario is background talking. The best atmosphere is a work environment in which, for whatever bizarre reason, I am left to my own devices as others go about the business. I've written scads at work.

To duplicate this at home, I end up with shopping and news channels. The shopping channels can be a bit problematic. Today, one female host described every freaking item she was selling, from jewelry to plants, as amazing. Not 'ah-mazing...', but 'amazing!' spoken quickly enough to startle guests and dumbfound call in viewers. A turn to the evil TV box shows a woman with brittle blonde hair, a blue jogging suit and coral lipstick - a makeover I'll be given if I end up in hell.

When the next 'guest' came on, he was selling hairspray. The point of this hairspray, applied with the model bent over and half a can evacuated in a scant 30 seconds, is to make one's hair HUGE! Walking through doorway sideways HUGE! Fuck the ozone, I want big hair HUGE!

I turned the channel.

The news is all depressing, all the time. Perfect for writing. As a bland man in a bland suit droned on, I got back to my writing with a vengeance, pausing only to mute commercials without even a glance. Did you know they expect oil to go up to $80 dollars a barrel in the next two years? It's a beautiful world.

2518 words of beautiful world.