Flushed With Success

At long last, for those of you who so enjoyed last years festivities, next Monday the 19th is World Toilet Day.

The World Toilet Organization (the site features a forum that is now, sadly, defunct) is the place to go to get your toilet facts straight. Such as the following:

1. An average person visits the toilet 2500 times a year. About 6-8 times a day. You spend about 3 years of your life in the toilet. (or on, if you are so inclined)
2. Poor toilet condition is a worldwide problem. More than half of the world population have no proper sanitation.
3. Suppression of urination due to dirty toilets can lead to kidney and bladder diseases. In order to avoid visiting public toilets, Some people refrain from drinking and suffer dehydration.
4. Most toilets are designed incorrectly.
5. Female takes 3 times longer than male, yet both toilet sizes are often same.
6. Toilet remains as a 'taboo' as people are shy to discuss the subject.
7. There are toilet associations worldwide promoting toilet education and culture.

World Toilet Day is designed to raise recognition of the 2.6 billion people around the world who lack proper sanitation facilities and, according to National Geographic, are, "Forced to discard their excrement in bags, buckets, fields, and ditches."

Last years theme, "Happy Toilet, Healthy Life" had attendees learn about the progressive development and standardisation of public toilet service. In Thailand.

This year, Delhi, India is hosting and the rest of the world is winging it. Perhaps a meal at one of the Modern Toilet Diners in Taipei, if you care to celebrate? You won't have to drop a load to have a good time and you can think about all those who are bereft of both food and bathroom facilities.

The mayor of Paris is certainly hoping for a little public toilet etiquette edification. Etienne Vanderpooten,a municipal architect who has, for twenty-five years, been working on the problem of men who tend to urinate in public. The solution is an undulating wall that sprays the urine back on the offending peer.

"The jet of pee is rather oblique. If it meets a sloping surface it is sent back to the trousers," says Etienne.

Make sure to visit the Toilet Museum(there is mention of talking urinal cakes).

Did you know there is an in-car toilet available?

Here is a history of the toilet.

Toilets from around the world.

And, if you intend to visit them, here is how to ask where toilets are all over the world.

Get some custom printed toilet paper here.

Celebrity toilet shots.

Learn how to care for you toilet at Toiletology 101.

Toilet night lights to help you aim in the dark.

Crochet a toilet paper cover for that special holiday gift!

Take a look at Mr. Toilets bowl of a home.

Pick up some ShitBeGone, 100% recycled toilet paper!

And if you like that, you will love this composting toilet.

If it isn't here, it should be at Toilet Nation.




Now, I have done all I can. May your toilets flush well and may you pee in peace.

Ripped From the Headlines, Part Deux!

Government Inspectors Come Down Hard on Penis Pasta




No need to worry. You can still get all things penis right here.

Be My Guest

I have a guest appearance over at ANSWER GIRL, a blog that is both erudite and entertaining.

This may be hard to believe, but I am actually quite lucid as I write of my latest, favorite book.

Ripped from the headlines!

Thugs use goon bag to bash goths

This caused quite a brow furrowing as I downed my second Diet Rockstar Energy Drink. In the Australian article linked above, the headline was confusing enough. But in the article itself, they refer to the "bag of goon." Well and truly puzzled, I did what I usually do in these situation.

1.) Ask a cat.

That generally, in fact always, doesn't work out terribly well.

2.) Ask Mom.

Ditto for above results.

3.) Phone a friend.

All of them are off somewhere in this frigid weather making a living.

4.) Go to the source.

I emailed an Australian friend, then realized I would have to wait for him to get done with his evening of man-bear frolics with the slight possibility of an answer this evening awaiting me if he did not feel the need to become supine soon after getting home.

5.) Go to Ask.com.

Something most of you would have done immediately. I am not you. I am me and you are you and we are all together. I know I've typed that before but I don't think I can stress the point enough.

So, anyway, I found out what a goon bag was. And I laughed my proverbial ass off.

Ashes to Mickey

Where do we go after we die?

I mean, physically?

Some of us go to Disney World, destined to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean for eternity.

For Disney Land fans, the Haunted Mansion is much more popular.

It is said that scattering ashes at sea or from an airplane or off a cliff side can result in the remains being blown into ones face. And that the practice is illegal in many non-Asian countries if one plains on scattering them on land. In the United States, obtain permission from a park ranger but they kindly ask that you take the vessel with you. Or you may chose to convert your loved ones ashes into a painting. Or jewelry. Or an ornamental globe.

There are people who can do this for you, if you can't make the trip.

It takes a special person to work with the dead. People like this.

Hello. Got any nuts?

Mr Piggle Winkle

"The body part is large and it did very hurt"

Mario Gomez painfully scores for his team.

Where did he hit the ball?

"It was somewhere in the area between the abdomen and thigh," laughs Gomez.

Which body part exactly?

Mario grins: "It is great - and it did hurt terribly ..."

Spooky Splooge

When: Sunday evening.

Where: a Marathon gas station at the corner of State Road and Pleasant Valley, Parma, Ohio.

What: a blue cloud.

The photo to the left is a tiny bit odd. But the video from the surveillance camera is downright freaky.

The cloud is static for thirty minutes then floats and darts about the cars and customers before rapidly floating away. It returns briefly, seemingly hiding behind cars windshield, then disappears after the customer goes in to pay.

Witnesses conjecture everything from the angel to ghost. The owner of the gas station is glad he can call it gone.

"I actually watched it for 30 minutes and then actually I watched it move and that is when I got freaked out," said owner Amed Abudaaria.

Mundane guesses in the comment section of the LiveLeak link at the nature of the cloud include an insect on the lens and a laser pointer aimed at the camera. They quickly disseminate into blah blah liberal, blah blah conservative, blah blah bigfoot fart gas and the always expected, "It's my cock."

A man speaking in the video raises a brow and maintains that the gas station and surrounding buildings are built on an Indian burial ground. The Poltergeist vibe of his reasoning pleases me more than the mysterious, floating blue gas cock.

A to Z

"Bonobos show how love - and love-making - can ease tensions and keep the peace."

From the San Diego Zoo, a zoo worker cares for two bonobos.

Wild populations are extremely endangered. They are being decimated at alarming rates in Democratic Republic of Congo.

The recent birth of a male infant named Tutapenda, left, on Oct. 29 is a significant milestone for conservation efforts. He joins his two-month-old half-sister Mali who is also being hand-raised due to medical complications at birth.

Bonobo apes, or Pygmy Apes (Pan paniscus), are our closest living relatives. They have 98% of the same genetic DNA as humans. Chimps are shown to be more closely related to humans than to other gorillas. Morris Goodman of Wayne State University in Detroit argues that the Bonobo and Common Chimpanzee are so closely related to humans, their genus name should also be classified with the Human genus Homo: Homo paniscus, Homo sylvestris, or Homo arboreus.

"They giggle when you tickle them in the right spot, it doesn't sound like a baby's giggle, it's more of a breathy chortle, but they stick their tongue out and close their eyes, almost as if they're asking for it."

Check out this blog from a woman who spent time studying these beautiful animals.

Why do fools go to hell?

The Oh So Shiny Mullet

And neither do I!

I think everybody on the island has a bunch now

Thousands of bananas washed up on the shore of Terschelling, Netherlands.

A year ago thousands of tennis shoes, aluminum briefcases and children's toys washed ashore.

Some 20 years ago it was a load of sweaters.

When the sea turns red and frogs fall from the sky, I will truly freak out.

Just in Time for the Christmas Shopping Season!

The Oh, So Very Shiny Mullet

I would also like to report that I have an awful Bee Gees song in my head (New York Mining Disaster 1941), I smell like carrots and my cat has a terrible cold. That is all.

Creeping Moratorium

October 2007 gave the world the first October since 1989 without a U.S. execution. As an extra added bonus, it was also the first month without one since December 2004 (which is a typically quiet month in the death chambers because of a reluctance to execute near Christmas).

America.

Not as bloodthirsty?

"'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy."

From The Archive of Misheard Lyrics -


Robert Palmer: Addicted To Love
The real lyrics were:
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.

But I misheard them as:
Might as well face it, you're a dick with a glove.


U2: Mysterious Ways
The real lyrics were:
She moves in mysterious ways

But I misheard them as:
Shamu the mysterious whale


Deep Purple: Smoke On The Water
The real lyrics were:
Smoke on the water
A fire in the sky

But I misheard them as:
Slow motion Walter
The fire engine guy.

Pink Floyd: Wish You Were Here
The real lyrics were:
Would you exchange
a walk-on part in the war
for the lead role in a cage

But I misheard them as:
Would you exchange
a welcome part in the war
for a negro in a cage

INXS: I Need You Tonight
The real lyrics were:
Your moves are so raw
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind

But I misheard them as:
Your boobs are so long
They've got to hit your nose
You're one of a kind


Neil Diamond: You Don't Bring Me Flowers
The real lyrics were:
You hardly talk to me anymore, when I come through the door at the end of the day.

But I misheard them as:
You hardly talk to me anymore, when I Kung-Fu the door at the end of the day.


AC/DC: Back in Black
The real lyrics were:
Forget the hearse cause I'll never die.

But I misheard them as:
I've got a purse but I'm still a guy.






















Band Aid: Do They Know It's Christmas Time
The real lyrics were:
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.

But I misheard them as:
The only gift they'll get this year is flies.

Sing Us a Song, You're the Banana Man

From the Banana Museum

It's All About What You Know