That, my meat laden friends, is the inside of a tigers mouth.
2005-03-15
The Good, the bad and the utterly fascinating
Some of my favorite books (Miami Purity, Miami Blues, Speed Queen and Tough Luck) are populated by characters that evoke no sympathy, empathy or humor.
These characters emit nothing but trouble. They are self serving, without scruples and impulsive. And somehow in the midst of reading books with these porcupine protagonists, I become entranced. I can't put the books down until I find out what happens. It's that same, twisted fascination that makes people slow down at a car crash for a glimpse of the destruction. Now I've another to add favorite to the list.
Eve's Men by Newton Thornburg.
Brian Poole, a kid raised on trouble washed away with a charming grin, used to date country-music star Kim Sanders. Sanders died of a well-publicized drug overdose in which Poole played the Svengali druggie boyfriend in the publics eye.
Hollywood is making a movie about Kim, and Brian is unhinged. Obsessed with stopping the production, he bulldozes the set of the Colorado town where Kim's death took place. His distraught girlfriend, Eve, calls Brian's brother Charley and begs for his help. The straight and narrow Charley, bored with his straight and narrow life, flies out to help.
Charley is sucked into the vortex of Brian's destruction of everything to do with the movie but just can't seem to make his way to the airport to fly back to his safe and less than happy existence. Brian lies, cheats, steals and runs away to blow up another day with Charley and Eve at his heels, wondering what they hell their doing there. Like moths with scorched wings dancing mid-air around the heated source of their own possible demise, the two can't seem to shake free.
And in the midst of the chaos, they turn to each to find the answers they didn't know they'd asked.
I'll assume you've read Cutter and Bone. You'll want to read this.
These characters emit nothing but trouble. They are self serving, without scruples and impulsive. And somehow in the midst of reading books with these porcupine protagonists, I become entranced. I can't put the books down until I find out what happens. It's that same, twisted fascination that makes people slow down at a car crash for a glimpse of the destruction. Now I've another to add favorite to the list.
Eve's Men by Newton Thornburg.
Brian Poole, a kid raised on trouble washed away with a charming grin, used to date country-music star Kim Sanders. Sanders died of a well-publicized drug overdose in which Poole played the Svengali druggie boyfriend in the publics eye.
Hollywood is making a movie about Kim, and Brian is unhinged. Obsessed with stopping the production, he bulldozes the set of the Colorado town where Kim's death took place. His distraught girlfriend, Eve, calls Brian's brother Charley and begs for his help. The straight and narrow Charley, bored with his straight and narrow life, flies out to help.
Charley is sucked into the vortex of Brian's destruction of everything to do with the movie but just can't seem to make his way to the airport to fly back to his safe and less than happy existence. Brian lies, cheats, steals and runs away to blow up another day with Charley and Eve at his heels, wondering what they hell their doing there. Like moths with scorched wings dancing mid-air around the heated source of their own possible demise, the two can't seem to shake free.
And in the midst of the chaos, they turn to each to find the answers they didn't know they'd asked.
I'll assume you've read Cutter and Bone. You'll want to read this.
2005-03-14
Scented Balls the new Rage in Milwaukee!
No, no one is spraying room fresheners down their pants or lighting incense sticks in their whitey tighties.
We're talking scented bowling balls, sillies!
Four-time Professional Bowlers Association champ Ryan Shafer says he may have won a match because an opponent was distracted by his black licorice-scented ball.
At Storm Products, bowlers can choose from chocolate, cinnamon, orange, lemonade, banana and cherry, among others delightful scents.
Neil Stremmel, research director for the United States Bowling Congress, said most bowlers don'’t use their balls for scent or color, but for performance.
"But, “I like the smell of my grape ball,"” he said.
On the product site, there is a guide to keeping your balls clean and a MatchMaker that sets buyers up with the balls perfect for their needs. Want clear balls? This is the place!
My favorite? The Atomic Charge, in cranberry!
We're talking scented bowling balls, sillies!
Four-time Professional Bowlers Association champ Ryan Shafer says he may have won a match because an opponent was distracted by his black licorice-scented ball.
At Storm Products, bowlers can choose from chocolate, cinnamon, orange, lemonade, banana and cherry, among others delightful scents.
Neil Stremmel, research director for the United States Bowling Congress, said most bowlers don'’t use their balls for scent or color, but for performance.
"But, “I like the smell of my grape ball,"” he said.
On the product site, there is a guide to keeping your balls clean and a MatchMaker that sets buyers up with the balls perfect for their needs. Want clear balls? This is the place!
My favorite? The Atomic Charge, in cranberry!
Another Injured Penis
Ya gotta love rugby.
When the Hurricanes beat the beloved Sharks, sixteen fans in South Africa just couldn't take the pressure. They were quickly corralled at a drunk driving road black.
Forty of the furious fans were served with tickets for various speeding offences, like speeding and speeding.
Four of them, staggered by the lose of another game, were charged with possession of drugs.
And one of them is in hospital.
Yes, that's the one you want to read about.
Doctors had to repair the damage from a bullet that's trajectory took it right through his penis and out one of his of his buttocks
The man with the very sore penis was being searched for drugs when the genius idea of running away occurred to him.
Oddly, the police ran after him. When the man turned around, allegedly with a gun in his hand, his penis was in peril.
"He pulled the trigger, but it was jammed," said Supt Glen Nayagar. "It was too late because the policeman returned the fire and the bullet penetrated his penis and came out of his buttocks."
When the Hurricanes beat the beloved Sharks, sixteen fans in South Africa just couldn't take the pressure. They were quickly corralled at a drunk driving road black.
Forty of the furious fans were served with tickets for various speeding offences, like speeding and speeding.
Four of them, staggered by the lose of another game, were charged with possession of drugs.
And one of them is in hospital.
Yes, that's the one you want to read about.
Doctors had to repair the damage from a bullet that's trajectory took it right through his penis and out one of his of his buttocks
The man with the very sore penis was being searched for drugs when the genius idea of running away occurred to him.
Oddly, the police ran after him. When the man turned around, allegedly with a gun in his hand, his penis was in peril.
"He pulled the trigger, but it was jammed," said Supt Glen Nayagar. "It was too late because the policeman returned the fire and the bullet penetrated his penis and came out of his buttocks."
Why?
The Bad News Bears, that crap moving about disenfranchised kids playing baseball and learning about life, is being re-made by the re-make maniacs in Hollywood.
This and having the 'Good Ship Lollipop' stuck in my head have made me a bit touchy today.
This and having the 'Good Ship Lollipop' stuck in my head have made me a bit touchy today.
2005-03-13
Another episode of Jen hates AOL
In their new terms of service, that apply to anyone who downloaded the instant messenger program after February 5, anything displayed or written in their messages becomes the property of AOL to be used and distributed however they want.
I don't like their browser, I hate their ads.
I don't like their browser, I hate their ads.
Space Monkey on the Tenor Sax?
Music you love, music that moves you, music you wrapped your angst-filled self with in your youth: Now available in jazz formats. Yes, Patti Smith, Jane's Addiction and Soundgarden are reformulated for a new, older generation brought to you by actress and funny gal, Lea Delaria on her new album, Double Standards. From swing to Cassandra Wilson-ish dedoodles, DeLaria does a surprisingly good job. Raised on Coltrane, Bird and Miles Davis, De Laria moved to the harder stuff in her teenage years and decided to meld the two together.
Just the imagine the expressions on your friends faces as they listen and gradually figure out what the hell is playing.
Just the imagine the expressions on your friends faces as they listen and gradually figure out what the hell is playing.
2005-03-09
No Hole!
An Ex-Marine says the story the press and the public heard about the capture of Saddam Hussein was made up!
2005-03-08
Hey!
I curl up with a book(Greg Iles BLOOD MEMORY), devour it, and when I check back with the world, Mount St Helens has erupted again. Locals and seismologists are calling it a 'volcanic burp.'
I have not sanctioned this!
No one checked with me!
This is really beginning to annoy me.
I have not sanctioned this!
No one checked with me!
This is really beginning to annoy me.
The Most Demented Childhood Nostalgia
Demented man Wayne Ross is compiling digital archives of ALL the Doctor Demento shows!
Remember Dead Puppies and Fishheads?
Me. Tickled mauve.
Remember Dead Puppies and Fishheads?
Me. Tickled mauve.
Another man cuts off penis, eats it
Ya gotta love that title; another man cuts penis, eats it.
A 40-year-old Ernesto Almonte's from the Philippines is recovering in hospital in after cutting off his penis and eating it.
A hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."That is a classic quote!
In 2003 a Malaysian man cut off his penis and fried it up before making a meal of it.
2005-03-07
Support, not isolation
In a city famous for cannibalistic killers and minority hating cops comes a new concept in education.
A school for kids that have been beaten and bullied at other schools.
More on the Alliance School here.
A school for kids that have been beaten and bullied at other schools.
More on the Alliance School here.
Bodily functions discouraged where books are present
California Libraries in San Luis Obispo County have had rules banning offensive body odor since 1994, but the policy became law last month. The Board of Supervisors adopted an ordinance that lets authorities kick out malodorous guests.
When I worked at a bookstore, many, many years ago, an ordinance like this would have been like sunshine after a month of smelly rain.
While I put out new magazines a man farted for, and I am not exaggerating, two minutes. He created his very own hole in the ozone.
Another man repeatedly picked up books, picked his nose, wiped his findings on the pages and put the books back on the shelf. Usually in the cooking section. Odd.
Oft times I would find teenage boys in the Sci Fi/Fantasy section with Playboy scrunched between the pages of Game Player Magazine or Car and Driver.
Children constantly threw up on the floor or tossed cereal about in a bored attempt at garnering attention.
And Fundamentalist Christians spent hours leaving leaflets in the pages of occult books.
I'll never forget the bomb threat we received for carrying erotica.
Ah, those weren't the days.
When I worked at a bookstore, many, many years ago, an ordinance like this would have been like sunshine after a month of smelly rain.
While I put out new magazines a man farted for, and I am not exaggerating, two minutes. He created his very own hole in the ozone.
Another man repeatedly picked up books, picked his nose, wiped his findings on the pages and put the books back on the shelf. Usually in the cooking section. Odd.
Oft times I would find teenage boys in the Sci Fi/Fantasy section with Playboy scrunched between the pages of Game Player Magazine or Car and Driver.
Children constantly threw up on the floor or tossed cereal about in a bored attempt at garnering attention.
And Fundamentalist Christians spent hours leaving leaflets in the pages of occult books.
I'll never forget the bomb threat we received for carrying erotica.
Ah, those weren't the days.
The American Wage War
Everyone knows we Americans love war. We have a beautiful internal war raging in the Senate as Democrats propose to raise a national minimum wage that hasn't been raised in eight years.
In those eight years, congress has given themselves seven wage increases.
The minimum wage is $5.15. That comes to $206 a month before taxes.
Let's approximate amonth's living, after taxes. A minimum wage employee makes $618 a month.
Rent is, lets say, $500 a month.
Utilities, at the bare minimum, $35.
A bus pass, $32.
The bare minimum of food, $240.
That's $807.
Let's get a roommate in our tiny one bedroom.
That's $557.
An extra $61 per month!
The federal guidelines for the poverty level in the 48 Contiguous
States and D.C. of $ 9,570.
But some Republicans feel an increase $1.10 over 18 months is enough.
And many Republicans feel no increase is necessary.
It is unlikely an increase would survive the Senate and the House has no plans to vote this year on a minimum wage increase. They claim it would force drive up costs and force small businesses to lay off workers. Which could very well be true.
As this is debated, a bankruptcy bill, long a priority for Republicans, is intended to make it more difficult for people to eliminate personal debts by declaring bankruptcy.
Isn't it ironic?
In those eight years, congress has given themselves seven wage increases.
The minimum wage is $5.15. That comes to $206 a month before taxes.
Let's approximate amonth's living, after taxes. A minimum wage employee makes $618 a month.
Rent is, lets say, $500 a month.
Utilities, at the bare minimum, $35.
A bus pass, $32.
The bare minimum of food, $240.
That's $807.
Let's get a roommate in our tiny one bedroom.
That's $557.
An extra $61 per month!
The federal guidelines for the poverty level in the 48 Contiguous
States and D.C. of $ 9,570.
But some Republicans feel an increase $1.10 over 18 months is enough.
And many Republicans feel no increase is necessary.
It is unlikely an increase would survive the Senate and the House has no plans to vote this year on a minimum wage increase. They claim it would force drive up costs and force small businesses to lay off workers. Which could very well be true.
As this is debated, a bankruptcy bill, long a priority for Republicans, is intended to make it more difficult for people to eliminate personal debts by declaring bankruptcy.
Isn't it ironic?
2005-03-06
More Powerful than an Enraged Policeman!
Available to the public, from Taser International, tasers more powerful than the ones police carry on the job. The police, many of whom are known to have used them on grandma's and small children, are upset. The use of tasers by any is quite controversial.
Got a cool thousand laying around?
Got a cool thousand laying around?
2005-03-05
From 20 to 300 in three killings
Allen Breed reports "the number of serial killers out there is elusive."
At first, this can seem like an obvious statement, almost laughable in its simplicity, but there are so many schools of thought behind the estimated number of serial killers, any black and white statement would seem too bold.
Jack Levin, who studies violence at Boston's Northeastern University, estimates conservatively that there are about 20 serial killers operating nationwide, accounting for about 200 victims a year. Ann Rule, a true-crime author and serial killer expert from Seattle, figures there are about 300 such predators lurking "just below our level of awareness."
"In the past we have had people here on our staff that have tried to make educated - or uneducated, guesses," says FBI spokesman Ken Gross. He said the FBI's headquarters offices were working with state and local officials on 16 cases they believe are connected to serial killers, but there may be others not involving the headquarters.
Back when he coined the phrase "serial killer," former FBI profiler Robert Ressler could safely say that most of his prey were single, white, unemployed males. And it seemed the United States had the market cornered.
Now we know there are serial killers everywhere, from America to Australia. America's proclivity towards violence, the expanse of the land itself and the ease with which weapons can be procured could arguably be said to explain the higher number in this country. Studies on the environment capable of producing a serial killers, no matter how extensive, can never be definitive. These aren't cooperative subjects giving will testimony. Even killers like Henry Lee Lucas (the only murderer George W. Bush saved from the death penalty), despite an apparent talkativeness, are more than capable of outright lies.
These killers are, and will remain, elusive to those that try to understand them and those that try to understand them.
When people question why serial killers go so long without being caught, Ressler is piqued.
"When you get a person that is a ghost, who is operating in an invisible status, it can take a long time."
At first, this can seem like an obvious statement, almost laughable in its simplicity, but there are so many schools of thought behind the estimated number of serial killers, any black and white statement would seem too bold.
Jack Levin, who studies violence at Boston's Northeastern University, estimates conservatively that there are about 20 serial killers operating nationwide, accounting for about 200 victims a year. Ann Rule, a true-crime author and serial killer expert from Seattle, figures there are about 300 such predators lurking "just below our level of awareness."
"In the past we have had people here on our staff that have tried to make educated - or uneducated, guesses," says FBI spokesman Ken Gross. He said the FBI's headquarters offices were working with state and local officials on 16 cases they believe are connected to serial killers, but there may be others not involving the headquarters.
Back when he coined the phrase "serial killer," former FBI profiler Robert Ressler could safely say that most of his prey were single, white, unemployed males. And it seemed the United States had the market cornered.
Now we know there are serial killers everywhere, from America to Australia. America's proclivity towards violence, the expanse of the land itself and the ease with which weapons can be procured could arguably be said to explain the higher number in this country. Studies on the environment capable of producing a serial killers, no matter how extensive, can never be definitive. These aren't cooperative subjects giving will testimony. Even killers like Henry Lee Lucas (the only murderer George W. Bush saved from the death penalty), despite an apparent talkativeness, are more than capable of outright lies.
These killers are, and will remain, elusive to those that try to understand them and those that try to understand them.
When people question why serial killers go so long without being caught, Ressler is piqued.
"When you get a person that is a ghost, who is operating in an invisible status, it can take a long time."
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