When Pushkin comes to shove

The Scotsman's headline says it all:

Russian literary giant Pushkin labeled as a peddler of porn

It seems the Russian police have cracked down on "obscene" literature. The early poetry of Pushkin and Mikhail Lermontov have been seized and prosecutors are 'studying the volumes' in order to decide what is pornography, and thusly bannable or erotica and therefore salable.

Vladimir Cherkashov, a regional leader of the small Russian United Industrialists party, and a poet himself, read the works in question and was horrified, thinking the poetry would corrupt children.

"I saw myself how teenagers opened books and giggled. In every line of these poems there are only words that begin with the letters zh, b and kh," he added, referring to the first letters of a number of Russian swearwords.

The Scotsman's article points out the irony of this litigious event "
considering the unhinged reputation of post-communist Russia, where some news bulletins have featured nude presenters in an effort to attract viewers."

Tricks of the Job Trade in Germany

'If you don't take a job as a prostitute, we can stop your benefits'

The thrust of this story? After legalizing prostitution, brothels had to register employees and any available positions (no pun intended).

"Under Germany's welfare reforms, any woman under 55 who has been out of work for more than a year can be forced to take any available job – including in the sex industry (i.e. prostitute, sex line worker) – or lose her unemployment benefit."

"There is now nothing in the law to stop women from being sent into the sex industry," said Merchthild Garweg, a lawyer from Hamburg who specialises in such cases. "The new regulations say that working in the sex industry is not immoral any more, and so jobs cannot be turned down without a risk to benefits."

I am Not Who I am Not

Looking beyond Googlism, more mundane than a phone book search and deeper than Amazon authors searches, is my identity. There are Jennifer Jordan's running around out there doing things I would never do and things I really wish I could do. But I'm not them and they're not me but we are all together.

I am not a sociology professor at UW Madison.

I am not an assistant proffessor of African American literature at Howard Unniversity.

I am not a CNN award winning journalist and film maker.

I am not a country gospel singer.

I am not a porn star.

I am not the author of children's books or cozies or award winning lesbian mysteries.
I am not a lesbian.
I am not a lawyer.
I am not a counselor and psychotherapist.
I am not a medical doctor specialinzing in Otolaryngology.
I am not a Freshman vollyball player at Auburn University.
I am not a San Francisco based interior designer.
I am not 21 years old with a husband named Tim.

I do not have a husband named Chris.

I do not play golf or basketball.

I do not write a Catholic parenting column for the Herlald.

I don't teach.
I don't work for The Providence Journal

I never climbed K2, the world's most feared mountain, make a film and
I didn't write a book about it.

Well, I'm glad that's all cleared up.

Moan Tones

Porn star Jenna Jameson, for $2.50, will moan, grunt, or make any number of lascivious sounds when you get a call.

Jameson will talk dirty to you when your phones rings, in English or Spanish.

Of course, you'll have to have a non-U.S. carrier to carry her around with you. No American companies have taken Jameson up on her offer.

Author, Author

Anthony Neil Smith

He was a poet, knew he sucked at it,
and decided to write crime fiction instead.
He wrote and submitted, and nothing quite fitted,
'Til Point Blank told him, "Dude, you'll be read."

What a Super Mullet


It's not the stuff rebels are made of...

Listen up, young rock gods/goddesses. Invest your money wisely. Do no not end up touring Iowa when your 57. You, too, will end up looking like this.

Peter Noone, 57, on a concert in West Des Moines, Iowa, walked up to a photo of Herman's Hermits, smashed the frame, took it off the wall and threw it in the garbage. Police later noted a photo of Herman's Hermits, touring without Noone, missing. Pretty deft detective work.

When told Iowa police were investigating, Noone was surprised and amused.

"It's probably one of the funniest things I've heard in my life," he said shortly before going on stage in Phoenix for a charity concert. Noone estimated the value of the photo to be about 40 cents and offered to reimburse the Val Air - even donate a gold album.

"I can understand if it was Roy Orbison or some valuable picture - but it had zero value," Noone said.

Noone said the West Des Moines complaint qualifies as his first tangle with the law.

"It's not the stuff rebels are made of," he quipped. "I would've liked it to have been arrested at Studio 54 for breaking a window."

Monkeys Pay to See Female Monkey Bottoms

Would you pay to see a monkeys backside? Don't bother to lie. I already know. Either way, monkeys will, and scientists are fascinated with how close to their human counter part that makes them.

A new study found that male monkeys will give up their juice rewards in order to ogle pictures of female monkeys bottoms. And, no, the study did not mention what they did whilst they ogled. Fiends.

Juice Rewards

Til next Tuesday

Wednesday will find me heading for Bouchercon in Chicago, thusly no new posts.

I've been disinclined to posting as I get ready and more so after the hurricane hit. The coverage has been devastating. Listening to the reporters as their voices broke, knowing the people that suffer the most are the poor that had no choice but to remain as lack of transportation and inability to rent a hotel room out of town kept them in place.

Husbands held on to their children as their wives were swept away.

The levees could still break.

The only water is polluted.

There is fire everywhere.

This is not the mood I'd hoped to be in as I left for this convention. Beyond low key. Last night I wept as I watched and listened. Tomorrow I will be amidst throngs of people cheerful, drinking, loud. Not sure how I'll fair.


...am I watching ''Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" again?


A Dark, Bloody Gem

That's how I described Jack O'Connell's WORD MADE FLESH to a friend.

I'll spill the first line:

"You are hearing the screams of a small, fat man."

And from the tone of this, the scene is set for pain and indifference in equal proportions. Throughout the book the reader is encouraged step deep into lightless rooms that narrow until the reader is trapped, barely breathing, when the book is done.

It all takes place in Quinsigamond, New England. A place out of time, inhabited by the tortured and the torturers. The human thread holding it together is Gilrein, a one time cop, now apathetic hack driver.

Behind him, the death of his wife Ceil, a cop killed while working under the twisted genius of the Inspector. Beside him, a unique item sought by men willing to do worse than kill for it and an ex-lover working for a sadistic biblomaniac. Before him, the promise of pain.

This book is wound tightly around words and language. How they can infect, defy and obsess a man until there is nothing left but the word.

Another of only a handful of books that have left me slack-jawed at the sheer genius of the author.

And writers crossing genres love it as much as I do.

from Michael Kimball (author of Undone): "To call this novel a noir thriller is like calling the 9th just one of Beethoven's symphonies.

Jack O'Connell is a writer's writer, and Word Made Flesh is virtuosic. From the first word, he immerses you into barely imaginable darkness of the human psyche. O'Connell's words slice; his images leave you squirming. You'll want to put this book down; in fact, you'll want to take it outside and bury it deep. But you won't be able to. It's the kind of nightmare you don't want to wake up from."

to William Peter Blatty(Exorcist): "Word Made Flesh gripped me from beginning to end."

to George Pelecanos (Soul Circus): "From its bravura opening to its apocalyptic conclusion, Word Made Flesh is a frightening, exhilarating ride. In four remarkable books, Jack O'Connell has riffed on language, fire-cleansed genre conventions, and stripped the artifice from the modern noir novel, creating a body of work both exciting and entirely original. Word Made Flesh has the power, and permanence, of myth."

to Katherine Dunn (the author of another Jen favorite,
Geek Love): "The dark incantations that open and close Word Made Flesh are mesmerizing. The scope of the book links enormous and terrifying acts of imagination ... A potent cocktail of Lovecraft, Poe, and hardcore American noir."

And, to fuel the fire, an interview with the Dark Word Master himself. He looks so... normal.

Things to say...

Things to say when you're losing a technical argument.

Things you'd love to say at work, but Can't.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk.

Things geeks say when pulled over for speeding.

Things to say when BATF troops storm your house.

Things to say to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.

One of the dumbest things I've heard said happened when a friend's water broke. I called at the soon-to-be dad's house and got his roommate.

When I told him my friends water broke, there was a loooooonnnnggggg pause. Then, "Well, um, do you need me to call a plumber?"


Magnificent Melons

Talk to my horse, while I finish this ironing. Thank you.

All this and much, much more at: The Framley Examiner's Looking for Love

Bitchney Sneers

If you ask Britney Spears for her autograph, expect to walk away empty-handed. Autograph Collector magazine says Spears is the worst when it comes to signing autographs.

The magazine's publisher tells People magazine that Spears is so bad, collectors call her "Bitchney Sneers." Other stars who don't like signing autographs include Cameron Diaz, Tobey Maguire, Justin Timberlake and the Olsen twins. The magazine says Johnny Depp is the celebrity who'll always sign for fans. Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Mike Myers and Angelina Jolie are also friendly to autograph hounds.

Man Free because of the Power of Pee

Richard Kral was trapped in his car under an avalanche. He had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realized the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He was staring death in the eye and death, dressed in little snow and ice negligee, gave him a little wave.

Kral was on holiday and had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car for the occasion. After cracking one open to think about the problem he realized he could urinate on the snow to melt it.

"I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."

Rescue teams found Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.

We are preparing to destroy you

Nine Inch Nails, which is essentially Trent Reznor, has unveiled the lineup for his 2005 tour. Guitarist Aaron North, Jeordie White, Jerome Dillon and Alessandro Cortini. I now have a new opportunity to listen to really loud music while I get my teeth kicked out. I'm really happy.

"This is a new entity that feels very fresh and vital. We are preparing to destroy you," Reznor wrote.

I'm ready to be destroyed. It's been a while.

The group will be touring in support of its first album in almost six years, "With Teeth," which will be released May 3.

Reznor said the new band is "reworking a number of older tracks that still matter to us, while focusing on the new material. This band is capable of a lot, and I trust and respect everyone's musical ability."

So far the only confirmed dates are March 30-31 at London's Astoria.

Hiëronymus Bosch figurines

"The world famous brilliant forerunner of surrealism was, in his day, unique and radically different. Hiëronymus (Jeroen for schort) Bosch was born during the transition from the Middle Ages to the Renaissance in ‘s-Hertogenbosch, in the Duchy of Brabant. Bosch places visionary images in a hostile world full of mysticism, with the conviction that the human being, due to its own stupidity and sinfulness has become prey to the devil himself. He holds a mirror to the world with his cerebral irony and magical symbolism, sparing no one. He aims his mocking arrows equally well at the hypocrisy of the clergy as the extravagance of the nobility and the immorality of the people. Hiëronymus Bosch’s style arises from the tradition of the book illuminations (manuscript illustrations from the Middle Ages). The caricatural representation of evil tones down its terrifying implications, but also serves as a defiant warning with a theological basis."


So, maybe I'm cool after all!

If Bono does the double thumbs up, than
no one can question my coolness quotant when I do it. No one.

Odd bits

State Sen. Frank Shurden, a defender of cockfighting, has a plan for saving Oklahoma's gamefowl industry. Cockfighters are legally prohibited from pitting birds fitted with razor-like spurs. Shurden is suggesting roosters be given little boxing gloves so they can fight without bloodshed. The proposal is in a bill the Democrat has introduced for the legislative session that begins Feb. 7.


The Supreme Court of Canada has overturned the indecency conviction against Daryl Milland Clark, who was caught masturbating in his living room window. The mid-evening solo act was witnessed by neighbors and police but his lawyer told the high court that he didn't know there were spectators until an officer shone a flashlight at the window.

I'm at a Loss

Cavalera's 2005 Fall/Winter collection show during Sao Paulo Fashion Week, January 25, 2005.
My friend Drea calls it Crack Couture

Musty House Fads?

Welcome to a new world of mousing, guys!

Busty Mouse Pads

A version for hetero girls just wouldn't work.

Thanks, JR

A Cinema File

For all you kids into death and film, here it is:

The 50 Top Movie Death Scenes.

And if your cinema quota has still not been filled:
Greatest Last Film Lines

“My mind was hanging outside the window. It was suspended just about eighteen inches below. And out there in that great big concrete jungle, I wonder how many others that are like me. Poor bedeviled guys on fire with thirst. Such comical figures to the rest of the world as they stagger blindly towards another binge, another bender, another spree.”
The Lost Weekend (1945)

Greatest Film Scenes

an unforgettable soliloquy/monologue

25th Hour (2002)
"You're talkin' to me?..." in Taxi Driver (1976)



Because there really isn't enough of a glut of alcoholic beverages that appeal to 20-something consumers hankering for something exuberant to match their highly social, fast-paced, highly inebriated lifestyles, Anheuser-Busch is launching something new.

It has caffeine. It has fruit flavoring. It has herbs in the form of
guarana and ginseng. It is...

B-to-the-E. Yep. Really. That's the name.

"B" stands for beer, "E" for something "extra!!!!" Yeah, I know. Brilliance has shown it's fickle light upon the creators of that moniker.

It is described as slightly sweet but tart and comes in the aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry. See, I mentioned flavoring but I said not word one about aroma. You're excited now, aren't you?
Get this! B-to-the-E can be served over ice! Or out of the can! Beer bongs will be better than ever!

Anheuser-Busch said each can of B-to-the-E packs 17 grams of carbohydrates, along with 4.5 percent alcohol by volume, 54 milligrams of caffeine and 145 calories.

By comparison, Anheuser-Busch's Bacardi Silver Low-Carb Black Cherry has
2.6 grams of carbs and 96 calories per 12-ounce serving.

What do these number mean? If you can stand the taste, B-to-the-E will get you drunk fast, keep you awake and fatten your middle section better than anything they've ever put out before!


Because there were just so damn many...

...more beer bong shots.

It keeps going. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pages of pictures.

I'm not dead yet.

A 29-year-old Larry Green was hit by a car at 9 p.m. on Monday. Paramedics pronounced Green dead, a trooper called his family and Green was taken to the county morgue, located at the jail in Louisburg, North Carolina.

Almost two hours after the accident, Trooper T.L. Hunt went into the morgue to met with the county coroner, J.B. Perdue. When the two unzipped the body bag to document the man's injuries, they found Green was breathing, though just barely.

"I had to look twice myself just to make sure it was there, that's how subtle it was," Perdue told the Raleigh News Observer.

A trooper raced back to the family's house to tell grieving relatives that Green was alive.

Green is in critical condition and the county attorney's office is investigating how the mistake was made.

Franklin County attorney Darnell Batton said the county's medical director has suspended those who were involved in the incident.

What are the chances?

A truck left idling by Jon Courtney, 27, outside the St. Clair County Jail, was stolen.

Thinking he'd simply be given a court date and he'd be outta there, Courtney left the truck idling in the parking lot. But, lo, Courtney was booked into jail. When he told sheriff's deputies about his truck, they cited him for leaving an unattended vehicle and then went outside to turn it off.

By this time, James Thomas, 17, was walking out. Thomas had gone to see if there were any outstanding warrants for him. There weren't. He walked out just as Courtney was walking in.

Later that evening, deputies saw the stolen truck and gave chase. Thomas drove the truck into a tree.

I hope we've all learned a lesson from this. Call first.

I Got Yer Free Speech Right Here!

I had the strangest dream. You were there and you were there, too.

It started like this:

US politicians are proposing a tough new law on indecency and course language that would provide the benign, whitebread and sleep-inducing entertainment we've all been looking for.

Fines of up to $500,000 (£266,582) could be imposed each time broadcasters transmit nudity or profanities; you know, things we don't hear on the streets or at home. Instigated by the apparently terrifying exposure of Janet Jackson's breast at last year's Superbowl (which cost CBS $550,000 (£293,264), entertainers could also be liable for fines under the proposed legisation from both US politicians and officials from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC).

Sam Brownbeck, a Republican senator from Kansas, wants a maximum $3 million (£1.6 million) fine for repeated violations.

The current maximum fine of $32,500 (£17,320) is a considered a paltry sum and Republican Fred Upton, chair of the committee responsible for broadcasting, said is "more of a cost of doing business rather than a deterrent".

Gosh, I hope the government will protect from all the bad words and boobies in books and magazines, too. Maybe we can have a big bonfire and put all the 'bad' things in there and the country can be magically transformed into Eden. By then, travel outside the U.S. will be banned unless I'm going to blow someone up in the Middle East and I can remain here, part of the Middle Class that has been left no choice in jobs except low-paying service industry or low-paying industrial. Then, when I'm old, I can retire to the nothing left from Social Security and die alone on a street corner when my assisted living home is shut down for lack of funding.

Oh, what a world, what a world!

I woke up and clung to my Paris Hilton book, knowing that this could never really happen in a country so concerned with freedom and liberty.

$1.3 Trillion in Deficits Forecast Over Decade

The CBO's annual report on the budget outlook foresees a deficit of $400 billion this year. It also forecast a cumulative deficit of $1.3 trillion from 2005 to 2014. That, my dear humans, is an increase of nearly 60% from the CBO's $861-billion estimate of just four months ago.

Additional war spending will push the federal deficit to $427B for fiscal 2005.
In contrast, China's economy grows 9.5 percent in 2004 vs 9.3 percent in 2003.

I think we can hazard a guess as to where quite a bit of American money is going.


butterfly.gif - (16K)
cheerful_flowers.gif - (10K)
A Cheerful TemperDaisy dances - Click image to download.

Rainbow - Click image to download.Cheerful Scott Peterson Enjoys Fan Mail

CHEERFUL - Definition

Rainbow 2 - Click image to download.Cheerful Reflections on Death and Dying ...
cheerful_flowers.gif - (10K)
Cheerful children die younger than gloomy classmates

Email blooms - Click image to download.Should Conservatives be Cheerful?

Cheerful TomDaisies at window - Click image to download.

Blue flower - Click image to download.Cheerful Flowers in a Mug

cheerful_flowers.gif - (10K)
Flower in pot - Click image to download.

butterfly.gif - (16K)

this is what happens when Jen can't sleep