It started like this:
US politicians are proposing a tough new law on indecency and course language that would provide the benign, whitebread and sleep-inducing entertainment we've all been looking for.
Fines of up to $500,000 (£266,582) could be imposed each time broadcasters transmit nudity or profanities; you know, things we don't hear on the streets or at home. Instigated by the apparently terrifying exposure of Janet Jackson's breast at last year's Superbowl (which cost CBS $550,000 (£293,264), entertainers could also be liable for fines under the proposed legisation from both US politicians and officials from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC).
Sam Brownbeck, a Republican senator from Kansas, wants a maximum $3 million (£1.6 million) fine for repeated violations.
The current maximum fine of $32,500 (£17,320) is a considered a paltry sum and Republican Fred Upton, chair of the committee responsible for broadcasting, said is "more of a cost of doing business rather than a deterrent".
Oh, what a world, what a world!
I woke up and clung to my Paris Hilton book, knowing that this could never really happen in a country so concerned with freedom and liberty.