2005-01-22

You Snooze, I News

The people of Oslo, Norway were shocked and dismayed as they saw President George W. Bush's "Hook 'em, 'Horns" salute which they interpreted as a salute to Satan. And rightly so. How else but kissing Beelzebub's butt does a coke snorting, economy destroying smirker get a second term.


Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin's embalmed body, which has lain in state beneath the Kremlin walls since his death in 1924, should last at least another 100 years, one of its curators says. Which is good because I was beginning to worry.


A Czech man apparently hid in a restaurant washroom until employees left, then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth. The cleaning staff found him drunk and lying on the floor the next morning.

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