Adam Shaw was having what he thought was a damned good night. His wife Niki was feeling amorous and all was right with the world.
Then it happened.
Adam fell out of bed, screaming in agony, as his penis began to swell to the size of a cucumber. But worse, infinitely worse, his testicles grew to the size of a coconut.
The wise and resourceful Niki grabbed a bag of frozen peas and placed them lovingly on her husbands groin.
Yet he continued to groan. In a bad way.
After having a good look at him, doctors gave him the bad news:
"It's broken."
The horror!
"I never knew you could break it - but I found out the hard way. It was agony," said a relieved Adam after penis saving surgery.
"He'll just have to be a little less energetic in future," said a resilient Niki.
And, get it whilst it's snappy fresh - the Gherkin penis! The Q&A on this item listed was most enlightening.
Q: How will you be packaging it to deliver it? I expect it may get damaged if you let it slop around in its own juices bashing against the sides.
A: The gherkin will be packed in amongst a cluster of pimento stuffed olives to prevent excessive movement in its own juices*. The olives will provide snug and secure support for the gherkin.
Q: Is it organic? I never put a vegetable inside myself unless it is completely natural.
A: The gherkin is not organic.**
Q: Hello. Has the gherkin been used for anything?
A: It has been used as a featured item in the eagerly awaited forthcoming book- Delia's Daring Dinners - amusing food of Norwich. Aside from that, the Gherkin is as new and will be delivered in it's original vinegar. I hope that this helps, if you have any more questions please feel free to ask.
Q: Hi, can you tell me the length and girth of the gherkin in mm please?
A: I understand your curiosity on this matter but please remember that the size of the item is not the best indication of its value.
*Hee!
**This confused me. The pickle is not organic? Then what in holy condiment hell is it? Dark matter?
2 comments:
Every so often your posts can bring tears to my eyes.
Ouchie ouchie ouchie...
Although the gherkin made laugh. And I used to work at a Famous Fast Food Place and can cofnirm certain gherkins are probably anything but organic...
So there's more to the gherkin than meets the eye?
Devilish little cukes!
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