Another chapter in the Evil Bert Memoir

The Evil Bert Drag Race

Jesusland in Peril?

It seems that Pat Robertson may finally have to attempt a sincere retraction of one of his thoughtless comments regarding God vs. Everyone Who Doesn't Agree with Pat.

He's tried to withdraw his little invective against Ariel Sharon. It seems ministers in Jerusalem were less than pleased when he said: "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land, and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.'"

So, they(in the form of Avi Hartuv) said: , "We can't accept this kind of statement. We will not do business with him."

Their displeasure may certainly make Robertson's plan for the $50 million project called Jesusland, to be located near Galilee (wait, isn't that where Puff the Magic Dragon was from?) less than a divine certainty.

Robertson backpedeled by saying he was just pointing out the Old Testamentnt view on the division of Israel's's lands.

But the damage is done.

According to Hartuv: "The contract is still open - just not with Mr Robertson. If there are other Christian leaders, they are most welcome to sign a contract to bring Christian tourists to the State of Israel.

"We want to see who in the group supports his (Robertson'’s) statements. Those who support the statements cannot do business with us. Those that publicly support Ariel Sharon's recovery are welcome to do business with us. We have to check this very, very carefully."

And the Earth is Angry

Mother Nature continues to rain down her displeasure, this time in the form of a volcano eruption in Alaska. The 4,134-foot Mount Augustine Volcano, about 180 miles southwest of Anchorage last erupted in 1986. Ash from a 7-mile-high column drifted over Anchorage and kept flights out of the skies over Cook Inlet.

The explosion sent ash estimated 30,000 feet into the Alaska sky.

"It looks like the ash cloud is likely to remain east of Anchorage," he said an anonymous Federal Aviation Administration member. "At this time, I have not seen any impact," he said.

The explosions, with magnitude 2.6 seismic activity, occurred at 4:44 a.m. Alaska Standard Time.

I Have Issues

Ever just wake up on the wrong side of your life one morning?

Me, all day, crabby. I felt I was given the choice of angry or depressed as far as emotional direction. I chose angry.

Depressed sucks unless you're writing poetry.

Anyway, as a theme, angry worked rather well. It seemed to give me some kind of odd motivation. I got done a lot of things I'd meant to get done because I was so ticked that things weren't done.

I kept contact with people to a minimum and kept myself from drop-kicking any of the cats by hitting my head repeatedly on the desk.

You can imagine how strangely relieved I was to find that others on this revolving planet of idiocy, other are anrgy. Maybe even angry than me.

Like the Aussie chick that stabbed her husband over and over becuase he played the delightfully cheesy Elvis hit, "Burnin' Love" over and over and over again to celebrate the King's recent birthday (he would have been 71).

Or like the people that lose it with help center operators in India(so much, so often that a sit-com based on the abuse these people received is now playing on the airwaves of that country).

Maybe, as this report suggests, I just shouldn't have gotten up this morning.

I've got clouds on a cloudy day

In Astronomical News

The North Star? It's three stars.

Now, This is Pink

With all do respect to dear James and the facially furry Stuart, this is freaking pink:

And this is even pinker:

And this is blue:

And this is green:

And this is yellow:

And this is this morning's wood:

I take an almost terrifying amount of joy from tweaking my HTML, but never would I be tempted to put a sweater on my site. What, do you think I'm:

Hoarding Horror

A woman was reported missing by her husband when he couldn't find her after a few hours. The police arrived at the house and found mountains of crap, stuff, debris and chaotic odds and ends stacked from floor to ceiling.

The had an idea that they wouldn't have to look outside of the house to find the missing Marie Rose.

Ten hours later they found her, dead, under a pile of clothing that had collasped on top of her.

Kids, go clean your rooms. And I mean it this time.

I Want to see your Manhole

That's Martine, not me.

And if you want to see the manholes she's seen, visit her at her frangipani gallery.

She's not the only one on the prowl for manholes.

A British Bad Ass

"Contemplate if Hitler falls into our hands, we shall certainly put him to death... this man is the mainspring of evil." Churchill, 1942

A note Churchill passed in a meeting had the perfect method: "Instrument - electric chair, for gangsters, no doubt available on Lease Lend."

Nothing Like a Mommy's Love

He was in an absolute lather of sweat when we got there. He was really well attached to it.

Robin Toom, 30, is a nice uncle. His sisters kids wanted nothing more than to play hide and go seek. Think for a second - where would you hide? I would get in my car and drive away. Those near and dear to me say this is cheating. Where, I asked TNADTM, are the rules for hide and seek written down? No one had the answer to that!

Anyway, Mr Toom was into it. He decided to hide somewhere no one would ever find him. In his sister's 8kg capacity washing machine. Jamming himself in with his knees pressed into his chest, he gloated. Maybe a small chuckle reverberated within the confines of the washer. Until he realized he was stuck.

"I just hopped in there, playing hide and go seek with the kids," the baker's assistant. "I got in there and couldn't even get the lid down and the kids came in and said 'ha ha we found you'."

Everybody crowded around the machine to gawk and laugh at the hapless and sweaty Toom.

Dave Dillon, a Townville fire officer got the call: man stuck in washing machine.

"We thought we'd get there and he'd have his hand stuck," Dillon said. "He was in an absolute lather of sweat when we got there. He was really well attached to it."

Dismantling the machine was quickly ruled a last option because Mr Toom would have still been in the tub, which would then have to be cut open. Dillon reached into the machine, dislodged Toom's foot and voila, he was free.

Toom had words of wisdom for the kids and really everyone: "I hope they don't go hiding in any washing machines now."

The Cuter than Usual Buffer

The Iraq Project

"Military men are just dumb stupid animals to be used as pawns in foreign policy.”
- Henry Kissinger,
quoted in Kiss the Boys Goodbye: How the United States
Betrayed Its Own POW's in Vietnam

Leuren Moret has written a thorough article on what going to war is doing to the soldiers are GOP professes to care so much about. She's got a lot of ugly factoids that will leave you reeling and more than a little angry.

Want an example? 8 out of 20 men who served in one unit in the 2003 U.S. military offensive in Iraq now have malignancies. How did this happen? Not the vaccines you may hear about elsewhere. It's because of exposure to depleted uranium.

But there's more. Not only were soldiers exposed to DU on and off the battlefields, but they brought it home. DU in the semen of soldiers internally contaminated their wives, partners and girlfriends.

The Distraction Mullet

The geometric mullet featuring glossy curls of mulletness to aid in distracting one from the owners abundance of... god, I actually feel bad for this guy.

This calls for a back-up mullet. Someone I don't mind ripping on. Let's see...

The Arrogant Mullet. The sly glance reveals to all the high regard in which this man holds his mulleted self. The slight upturn of the left lip means he knows you want him. He KNOWS. How could you not when faced with a face framed by such boorish and unkept mullet hair? The uni-brow brings it all home.

Because Drunks Stay Still for Photos

The Construction Zone

Late joining the games still standing off to the side self-consciously scuffing my shoes in the dirt,
I give you my work space photo.

Lee Goldberg instigated a phenomena with the photo of his own hallowed creative center and it's been a hell of a lot of fun peeking in at other people's places.

A New Pup in the Pack

Nathan Singer, a spoken-word genius with books that read like Lou Reed at 78 rpm(remember records?), is the proud new pappy of a little Singer.

I guess I'll delay getting on his ass about where his story for Fuck Noir is - he's been a little busy.

Correction House Cuisine

It isn't just odd colored slop on a tray.

The Cellblock Cafe demonstrates that making a meal in jail takes ingenuity and tenaciousness.
Check out the recipe section, too!

The I Don't Want to See the Photo from the Last Post Post

Bog People Got Some Body

In what will no doubt end up being a continuing story, more Bog People have been recovered. The latest two in Clonycavan, near Dublin, Ireland.

Both of these bodies, dated from about 2300 years ago, indicate ritual sacrifice and beheading.

Based on his studies on these bog bodies and others, Ned Kelly, keeper of Irish antiquities at the National Museum of Ireland, has developed a new theory to explain why so many remains are buried on important political or royal boundaries.

"My belief is that these burials are offerings to the gods of fertility by kings to ensure a successful reign,"said Kelly.

"Bodies are placed in the borders immediately surrounding royal land or on tribal boundaries to ensure a good yield of corn and milk throughout the reign of the king."

My first post on the subject on July 2005 seems to be a mere benchmark of posted theories and stories concerning these tortured, boggy souls.