2006-04-07

Gone Away

I want him to stay.
I beg him to stay.

His soul is at the window,
Hanging on by fingertips.

Coaxed inside,
He lays in the bed.
It will get better, I say.
He doesn’t believe me.

I’m there after dusk.
He is there,
in the bed,
Awake, and angry and anxious.
What the hell, he asks.
A month gone from home,
Leaves gone green to dead.
What the hell.

I am there
in the morning haze.
He lays in the bed.
I ask him to smile.
He does.
He says her name.
He holds my hand.
OK.

I am there,
Standing in sun.
He lays in the bed.
He holds my hand tight,
Because I ask him to.
I look in his eyes.
I see him in there.
He can’t get out.

I am there,
in hallway light.
He lays in the bed.
His body is filled with fever.
Taking a cloth to his head,
I see his eyes,
Filled with questions, sorrow.
I hold his hand.

I am there,
but not there.
He lays in the bed.
His eyes are open,
But they don’t see me there.
He doesn’t know me,
Anymore.
I hold his hand.

Today when I see him,
Laying in the bed,
I will tell him to leave.
It’s OK,
It’s time for him
To find peace.

He is gone.

I hold his hand to
My wet cheek
And kiss him goodbye.



For my Dad, who is a part of the light that made us all.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very, very sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family during this time.

anne frasier said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ben said...

My thoughts are with you and everybody else in your family, Jen.

Cornelia Read said...

This is beautifully written and heartbreaking, and I am so very sorry to hear your sad news.

anne frasier said...

aw, jennifer.

i didn't realize this was a new wound and heartbreak until i read jon's blog. i'm so very sorry for your loss.

Annie C said...

Jen, Your words are so poignant and such a beautiful expression of the depth of your love for your dad. David and I want you to know that we're thinking of you, and of all the Jordans. We both send our love and heartfelt sympathy. We're here for you. Anytime. For anything.

Annie & David

Sandra Ruttan said...

Jen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have expressed yourself so beautifully here, and anything I can say seems inadequate.

My thoughts are with you all.

Steven said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Patricia & Soren said...

Jen, what a beautiful loving tribute, I am sure he heard you. May your pain lessen but your memories linger...forever to be cherished

Rae said...

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your family.

David Terrenoire said...

Jennifer, for a woman who knows how to make me laugh, you also know how to break my heart.

I'm so sorry. If I could take some of your pain away, I would, gladly.

It's been 12 years since my father caught that celestial bus out of town and I think of him every time I drive past a minor league ball park and in Durham I drive past the Bulls park almost every day.

Mary said...

Wonderful poen Jen. I'm sor sorry to hear about your father. I'll be thinking of you all.

Daniel Hatadi said...

That's a beautiful poem, Jen. So sorry for your loss.

JD Rhoades said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Jen and Jon. But you honor him with the people you've become.

hangarwest said...

Jennifer, upon reading more of your articles I found this.I am sorry for your loss of your father.