“My client is tired of being the butt of jokes about his sexuality.”

So says Marvin Keister, attorney for one Tom Cruise in regards to the Mission Insertable butt plug.

Cruise has filed a $50-million lawsuit against Holesome Fun Incorporated, the world’s largest manufacturer of sex toysand is also demanding “the immediate and complete withdrawal” of the Mission Insertable butt plug from Holesome Fun’s Dark Side of the Moon catalog and from any and all persons “currently harboring” this device.

Trey Guccione, CEO of Holesome Fun, responded angrily to Mr. Cruise’ lawsuit.

“Like I’m sure Tom’s never been shitfaced before,” said Mr. Guccione. “He can take his lawsuit, hold it sideways, and stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

The device at the bottom of this controversy is a 3-inch silicone statuette designed to be inserted into the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure. A butt plug can be inserted during sex or it can be worn while its user is gardening, shopping, or attending the theater.

Ok. Another false news story but, holy hell ,is it funny.