We Love the Onion

President Bush had to do an O.J. through the Andrews Air Force Base yet still missed his Air Force One flight to Boise earlier today after arriving just moments after the plane's doors had closed.

Strict federal guidelines requiring all passengers to arrive at their departure gate 15 minutes prior to takeoff prevented the Preisdent from boarding. When Bush inquired into the possibility of being placed on standby for Air Force Two, the exasperated commander in chief was informed that the flight was full and Vice President Dick Cheney was unwilling to give up his seat.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

He did it just to please me:

"Ya know, I hear Jen Jordan's a little bummed today. Hold up! Hold up! Ya know what I'm gonna do? Heh heh heh! I'm gonna walk real slow, see? Nope! Slower than that. Yep, that's about right! Real slow. Almost creeping. You lookin' at your watch, Bart? Stop doin' that right now! Yep! It's all a part of my plan! Ok, we late enough? Good! Now run! Everybody run!"

If only it were true...


Anonymous said...

best laugh I had all day

JD Rhoades said...

Here's my recent favorite:

LOS ANGELES—Caseworkers from the California Department Of Social Services escorted Sutton Pierce Federline, the newborn second son of singer Britney Spears, to his new home at In Touch Weekly's Los Angeles offices Monday. "In Touch has displayed a concern for, and attention to, Sutton Pierce's health, welfare, development, and wardrobe that is sadly lacking in the child's biological mother," said a CDSS spokesman as the infant was dropped off at the magazine's reception desk. "We are certain that the 16 editors, 417 freelance photographers, and both writers at In Touch will continue to give little Sutton Pierce the attention that a growing child of celebrities requires." Spears' eldest child, 1-year-old Sean Preston, was placed under the legal guardianship of TV entertainment-news program Access Hollywood in May.