From Lizard Spit to Speedos

All the news that's news to me.

First, let's take a gander at the 10 most bizarre employee vs. Employer cases of 2004. My favorite? No. 2 which features a male employee with 35 years' seniority who, when asked to relinquish his seat to a woman who came to the plant to conduct an audit, patted his knee and offered, "I have a place for you to sit right here." Fired for violating its "zero tolerance" policy against sexual harassment an arbitrator ordered the employee reinstated, noting that his conduct was "typical of workplace behavior," and "the Auditor must realize that the shop floor is entirely unlike high tea at the Savoy."

Swinging on over to all things medical, there's a new drug to treat type II diabetes - made of lizard spit. A gila monster to be precise.

On to the popular "What's Our Government Up To" we find that the number of authorized wiretaps in the U.S. has increased by 19%.

For another 'list' laced with 'bizarre', the Blogcritics Retro 10 Bizarre Films. Included in the list:

and



And finally, just in time for all of those desperate housewives in Jersey, it is now legal to wear speedos on the beaches again. Not that one should feel compelled to wear one...


For the man who has everything


Fossilized dinosaur poo


Blame it on the snot

If posting seems sporadic, know that a sinus infection has robbed my will to sit/type. There is a tendency towards a bizarre tilted walk and a mental delay of five minutes or more to spoken questions. My voice sounds like a hoarse Fran Drescher.

As Felix Unger would say, "MMMmmmmmunngghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What the...!!!!!!!!

Why the hell, when I enter men socks into a Dogpile query, would I be asked if I want filtered our unfiltered adult content??????

I am going to find out right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel the need...

...the need to hit myself in the head with a 2x4.

First off, I can't begin to express how sick I am of seeing Jacko's face on the news with some melodramatic headline.

Secondly, Pablo Cruise in my head. All day!

Thirdly, going shopping with the Mom. We turn into the parking lot and my eye is caught by a blurry red form. A wee red car is racing through the parking lot towards us. "Jesus!" I yell and my Mom very perceptively hits the brakes. The man whizzed by with a wave. Mom and I park and look over to see what was so vitally important to the man with the tiny red car. He was picking up his dry cleaning. Bastard!

Fourthly, if that is even a word, all the yap about chocolate (dark chocolate rules!) had me craving and I got a bar of Italian Perugina chocolate that's made in Switzerland. Go figure. I got home, plopped it on my computer tower and did some very important stuff. Darkness fell. I turned on the lights, did some other important stuff and returned to boot the computer. My eye is caught by a still spot of red. It is my chocolate bar, melting under the task light on my desk. Damn!

Fifthly, and now I'm convinced I'm making up words, Blogger sucks! Suckity sucker sucks sucks!

Sixthly, did you ever watch the Batman series from the '60's? First of all, Robin was a complete loser. A whinny, badly costumed boob with shellacked hair. But my point is - remember that whenever they cut to a scene with the Bad Guy de Jour? The camera was always tilted thusly?


I found this today and, in confusion and consternation, went offline for hours to recompose myself.








That chocolate would have really come in handy.







Police chase wanker

The Cambridge Police Department arrested a man at around 7 p.m. yesterday after a chase through Harvard Square. Allegedly, the man masturbated in public view in a Mt. Auburn Street window.

The suspect is being questioned about alleged 'lewd and lascivious behavior',” says Steven G. Catalano.

Main Entry: las·civ·i·ous
Pronunciation: l&-'si-vE-&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin lasciviosus, from Latin lascivia wantonness, from lascivus wanton -- more at LUST
: LEWD, LUSTFUL
- las·civ·i·ous·ly adverb
- las·civ·i·ous·ness noun

Writing of lascivious, Ben Franklin, an inventor and founding father of the not so united United States was quite the amorous Cretan.

"Franklin was a master of what the French call amitié amoureuse, whose English translation, amorous friendship, gives only a hint of its true meaning: a delicious form of intimacy, expressed in exchanges of teasing kisses, tender embraces, intimate conversations and rhapsodic love letters, but not necessarily sexual congress."

For an on article "Why he was a babe magnet" see Ben Franklin.

Franklin was also tied to the Hellfire Club, Freemasonry and the Illuminati and apparently smoked a bit of the spliff.

Want to know the meaning behind the symbols of the U.S. one dollar bill? Here you go!

Just so you know, the word Lascivious is 325 times less popular than the word stuff.

Cell Phone Saves Mans Life

Whilst cleaning out a freezer in the kitchen of his pub, Matthew Steven's chanced upon a spider. A large spider. It bit him twice and spurred by the rankling thought that his mate's wouldn't believe him, he took a photo with his cell phone.

Within minutes, his hand was swollen to the size of a balloon. The onset of the shakes and dizziness convinced him this was not ordinary huge spider.

Steven's headed to the Musgrove Park Hospital, phone in other hand. As doctors struggled to keep him alive, arachnid experts at the Bristol Zoo identified the culprit.



A Brazilian Wandering Spider. The Guiness World record most venomous spider's on a planet full of venomous spiders.

Want your own MacGyver moment?

Learn to start a fire from a can of Coke and a chocolate bar.

Seriously.

I am not kidding.

Info-mania

Glenn Wilson, a psychiatrist at the University of London, UK has finished a study that concludes the barrage of emails, instant messages and cell phone calls received by people at work reduce their I.Q.'s.

What do Laurie Anderson and Avril Lavigne have in common?

Check out these photos at Feet Me and find out.

I Read the News Today

and thusly I need to post another cute animal to compensate.

Feeling small...

Photos from an insects viewpoint.

Important



They have V.I.P.-ness


Confusion

Freak Geek Mullet



You should be sssssssooo happy I didn't put the S&M mullet up.


Warning!

Exploding Toad Crossing!

The Omnivore

When Jeffrey Steingarten, author of 'The Man Who Ate Everything' first became food critic for Vogue magazine, he realized that he would have to conquer his former 'strong and arbitrary' food sensibilities.

"Humans were designed to be omnivores. Blessed with all-purpose dentition and digestive systems, we are ready for anything."

A View from The Darth Side

Memoirs of a Monster - the heavy breathing, blacked caped nemesis of Luke Skywalker blogs about a day in the life of a Jedi Master gone bad.

Because you didn't ask...

India manufactures more than 1 billion condoms annually. Only a quarter of condoms made in India are used during sex. Most are used to make saris, toys and bathroom slippers.

Sari weavers place the condoms on thread spools and the lubricant on the prophylactics is rubbed off on the thread, making it move faster through their sewing machines.

Sari makers also turn the condom's inside out, place them on their fingers and use the high-quality lubricant to polish gold and silver threads used in the traditional Indian women's outfits.

As added interest and due to a predilection for vignettes of late, I give you, a Brief History of the Condom.

In a loosely related aside, a photo of la cathédrale de Condom, near Bordeaux, France.

Just so you know...

...I am a turtle.

Explain, please.

Explain how the MysticalBall works.

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey

1. Tel Aviv monkeys will be eating unleavened bread during Passover.
2. Chimps, unable to read warning on cartoon of cigarettes, now have monkey on their back.
3. Mesa, Arizona SWAT team are head hunting for a monkey member.
4. Casino blandly names new titi monkey.
5. Sumatran orangutan and eastern gorillas will soon be gone.
6. Bonobos are lovers, not fighers.

I don't know what I'm doing.

A little bit softer now

In an attempt to calm myself after an irksome day, I present myself and the world with photos of fuzzy animals with large eyes.

If Billy Idol and a Chihuahua mated

You slipped what into my kibble?


A fistful of cute

About face! Present spine!

Microsoft, a company that was "Honored for Pioneering Work in Fostering Diversity", pulled their support for a civil rights House Bill 1515 (the anti-gay-discrimination bill killed by the Washington State legislature today in a vote of 24-25).

Unlike the Boeing Company, Nike, Coors Brewing, Qwest Communications, Washington Mutual, Hewlett-Packard, Corbis, Battelle Memorial Institute, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen's Vulcan Inc, they succumbed to repeated Bible bashing by the ABC church.

Need I mention anything about courage of one's convictions or integrity? Not when Microsoft is a part of the equation.

Poo Ra, Poo Ra, Poo Ra

Creative Paper Tasmania's will be introducing their new eco-friendly paper next month. It is made of kangaroo poo.

"It's made out of poo, but also it's so Aussie," papermaker Joanna Gair says.

See photos of the roo poo paper process here.

"At the moment we are finding it very difficult to get the quantity of poo we need," she said.

"We are hoping the community will help by collecting poo for us and dropping it off in plastic bags, preferably recycled bags."

"New or old (poo), we'll take it all."

I always feel like somebody's watching me...

Governments are building a "global registration and surveillance infrastructure" in the US-led "war on terror". The warning came from the International Civil Liberties Monitoring Group, including the American Civil Liberties Union, and Statewatch, a UK-based bulletin which tracks developments in the EU.

The aim is to monitor the movements and activities of entire populations in what campaigners call "an unprecedented project of social control".

This is what happens when American Idol ratings begin to drop people. Now be a good little drone and go watch some TV.

Another one for 'duh!' file

Greenspan Warns Deficits Endanger Economy

Where can I get a job stating the obvious?

Mmmmm... fashion journalist and Paris Hilton impersonator, you say.

Well, fuck it then.

Was it the Tree or was it the Police?

A woman driving erratically was having a diabetic reaction. After driving into a tree, she is beaten by police.

eBay Item, 5563490518

A time machine.

Winner of the time machine receives:

1- the time machine

2- a letter dated july 3, 1930 by J.S.

3- a poem that seems to relate to time travel.

4- a check dated dec 23, 1926 with J.S. signiture

5- a photograph of mal, floyd, reuben dated march 16, 1930

6- a photograph of who I think to be Dr. J.S. Strauss dated Jan. 1926

7- a small key for some kind of suitcase

8- two small bottles

9- a blank book of matches

10- a book of electronic inventions with the name Glenn Thompson written in it (who I think to be a guy who had the machine for awhile in the 1970's.)

To answer alot questions and describe the machine more, yes the time machine is made out of medal and as far as the back of it goes it is very rusty with two holes for hooking up something i guess. All of the switches and knobs work and yes it is filled with electronics. The plate with the inscription on the front is brass. The machine itself is very heavy duty.

i hope this helps.

I can hardly quell my excitement. Oh, damn and blast! It's sold. My dreams of travelling to the past to warn myself off of stupid online purchases is squashed like a juicy, yet crunchy, bug.

You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out...

News to Me at 1:43

1. Officials Investigate Buttocks Shooting.
2. Checklin Vaifale, 35, passed himself off as a psychology professor at the University of Oregon for over a year. Previously, Vaifale had passed himself off as a student and Hawaiian dancer at the same university.
3. First amendment put to the test by 2 female students from Winona High that (heart) their vaginas.
4. Fish and visitors tasored in fifteen days.
5. You think you've had bad hair days... ever threaten the hairstylist at gunpoint?
   

Another Ban on Gays

The state of Texas is pushing through a law that will ban all gay and transgenered foster parents. Like most states, Texas has an over-burdened system. Despite this, when the law passes, children will be pulled from established homes.

And Rudyard Kipling said 'The elephant's a gentleman.'


A group of elephants escaped in downtown Seoul, Korea and caused havoc for people dining in a nearby restaurant.

The elephants were being led to a children's zoo when one got spooked.

The officers followed three of them and watched them break into a restaurant where people were dining inside.

All six elephants are back at the zoo.



I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
Noel Coward

Bionic Kegels

The new wave of cosmetic surgery - vaginal rejuvination.

Japanized!



Go now onto the Something Awful and be viewing more!


Mary, Mary, Where Ya Goin' To...

...an underpass!

A Contest? Oh, Boy!

The Ugly Boys at UglyTown are announcing a thrilling, exciting and stupendous new contest for anyone to enter!

Rules? Yes.

Oh. You want to know what they are?

Well, sure!

Any time from right now 'til May 6th, 2005, write a review of any UglyTown book at Amazon.com, post a copy of afore mentioned review on the UglyTown Message Boards under that books forum. That's it!

Three reviews, chosen at random, will be rewarded prizes as follows:

1st place gets a copy of the Dark as Night Limited Edition, by Mark Conard.

2nd and 3rd place each get a copy of the Burn Numbered Edition, by Sean Doolittle.

Register at UglyTown Message Boards or fie on you, you non-registering miscreant!

You smell smoke?

Firefighters in Providence, Rhode Island fought a losing battle with a fire on their own fire engine.

"This is unusual," Capt. Peter Celini told WPRO-AM. "I've been here a long time, and I've never seen a fire truck fully involved like that."

Foot in Mouth Again

Tom Delay has made an ass of himself. Again.



Funny. When I went for a photo, the image search returned photos of a cockroach and a baboons ass. Actually, it was difficult to find an unadulterated one.

Oh.

Whoops.

Let's try again.

Dang it!

Here's one.



Thank you for reading. Please come again soon.

Blogging may be the greatest way to keep oneself from writing that exists beyond - well, reading blogs. Another writer in the making and driving force behind one of the premiere sources of Noir, The Do-Not Press (Mark Timlin ((I give a glowing review in the latest Rap Sheet)), Maxim Jakubowski, Bill James, Ken Bruen, Carole Anne Davis, Gary Phillips) , Jim Driver, has his own blog: Whatever Else.

In it's fledgling stage, it's one post big but considering the mind behind the blog, it could grow to a home of cutting edge music, political rants and insightful mind stuff.

Oh, and you might want to check out Jim's non-fic book, The Mammoth Book of Sex, Drugs & Rock ‘n’ Roll.

So there you are. Go. Be free. The time to stare at smoke has passed. The time to read dark things and listen to loud music has arrived.

And viddie Club Bang Bang were alt bands are at there best.

Yes.

That's it.

Finished now.

Oh, that nutty Dong

I love Dong Resin! A great giggle inducer, even when I'm forced to stay inside and write reviews on a stunningly beautiful spring day.

Today's mirth makers:

"Porn is Great"

Excellent punk band names discovered while doing my taxes

And the one that earns my somewhat passing 'but every now and then I'll remember and still be grateful' gratitude -

Mitch Hedberg - Wikiquotes. Including some of my favorite

1. I like cinnamon rolls. That's why I wish they made, like, a cinnamon roll incense. 'Cause I don't always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick, and have my roommates wake up with false hopes.
2. A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.
3. Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got, motherfucker, this thing is useful... I'm gonna go pick something up."
4. I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick? Zipp.. "Fuck you."
5. I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that it will not fall down.
6. I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still got tartar, but that shit's under control. If the tartar gets outta line, I'm like, "come on, man. You know the deal. You crazy-ass tartar" I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in shit!...That's actually kinda gross.
7. (After replugging in his microphone) I hate puzzles

OK, just go there and read.

I was saddened to read that Mitch died on March 30th - only Dong's timely side post cued my ball to that info. I am now in the corner pocket, weeping.

One more:

I was at a club and they had blacklights everywhere. A blacklight is a light that makes everyone look cool... except me, 'cause I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

View from the Microscope

Today's view:

A frog's stomach!



One of many reasons frogs are so adaptable is their characteristic thin layer of permeable skin. It allow air to pass through and, in most species, water does as well. Oddly, most frogs rarely need to drink since their skin easily absorbs the water they need. Some frogs have stomach skin so porous that it can soak up moisture from surrounding soil. Frogs must, however, eat regularly and usually subsist on a diet of insects and worms captured with their sticky, forked tongues. Some large tropical species are also capable of preying upon snakes and small mammals.

Lucky for all you 'View from the Microscope' fans, I have a histological slide of that as well!



Word of the Day

pro·tu·ber·ance (pr-tbr-ns, -ty-, pr-)
n.

1. Something, such as a bulge, knob, or swelling, that protrudes.
2. The condition of being protuberant.
3. 

What a long, strange trip it's been.

Where in the world is Einstein's brain? A new book by Brian Burrell tells where it's been and why. And read about the travels of the brains of Walt Whitman, Vladmir Lenin and the possible pathologies of cruelty, genius and madness (not the band, Madness silly!). From phrenology to the flawed weight equals brilliance theory, Burrell covers it all with science, history and humor.