Today's mirth makers:
"Porn is Great"
Excellent punk band names discovered while doing my taxes
And the one that earns my somewhat passing 'but every now and then I'll remember and still be grateful' gratitude -
Mitch Hedberg - Wikiquotes. Including some of my favorite
- I like cinnamon rolls. That's why I wish they made, like, a cinnamon roll incense. 'Cause I don't always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick, and have my roommates wake up with false hopes.
- A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.
- Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got, motherfucker, this thing is useful... I'm gonna go pick something up."
- I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick? Zipp.. "Fuck you."
- I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that it will not fall down.
- I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still got tartar, but that shit's under control. If the tartar gets outta line, I'm like, "come on, man. You know the deal. You crazy-ass tartar" I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in shit!...That's actually kinda gross.
- (After replugging in his microphone) I hate puzzles
I was saddened to read that Mitch died on March 30th - only Dong's timely side post cued my ball to that info. I am now in the corner pocket, weeping.
One more:
I was at a club and they had blacklights everywhere. A blacklight is a light that makes everyone look cool... except me, 'cause I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
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