He's dead. He's not dead. He's dead. He's not dead. He's dead. Italian media has given contradictory reports about Pope John Paul's vital signs, first saying his heart and brain activity had stopped and then reporting this was not true...
So reporters on the scene spend fifteen minutes talking about how, ultimately, they don't know.
I've got a link to the AP Breaking Newsline in a vague attempt to keep up with this ongoing confusion.
My brain hurts.
4 comments:
Basically, the Pope actually died in the assassination attempt on May 13 1981. The vatican drafted Jim Henson in to create an animatronic Pope, which was fine until the great puppet master himself died in 1990. Since then, a team of Cardinal Technicians has struggled to maintain the complicated machine, far more sophisticated than anything they had encountered before. Their failure has lead to a series of breakdowns, occuring with ever increasing frequency, which all manner of medical complaints have been invented to cover up.
Sadly the Animatronic Pope is now damaged beyond repair and the Roman Catholic Church is finally having to face up to the task of how to replace a man such as Karol Wojtyla - something they have been trying to avoid for nearly a quarter of a century.
Someone came up to me at work and said "the popes not dead". This morphed into the Exploited song "punks not dead" only with the pope in place of punk. This song, if you want to call it that has been in my head for the entire day.
This contradicts other news I heard that indicated that the Pope is a pod person.
Next you're going to tell me that Jesus doesn't really appear in pretzel's, bathroom doors and clouds!
I just don't know what to believe anymore.
My brain huuuuurrrrtts!
Actually, what REALLY happened was that Karol Wojtyla got sick of the whole Pope stuff back in the late eighties, went scouring the globe for a Pope impersonator so's he could have a holiday. Unfortunately this Pope impersonator wasn't in very good health. And this is what you see before you. I have no doubt that the real Pope will switch back, just as soon as he's finished killing that mummy in the Texan nursing home.
No, wait, that was Elvis, wunnit?
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