Jamie 'Pukka' Oliver is a target of derision. In America, the U.K. or Australia, the Naked Chef and his cool loft kitchen, motor biking shopping forays and quaint 'cooking for few friends' style, seems to grate on many an English nerve. Is it the haphazard cooking style, the nouveau riche rock star stylings or is it the simple joy he seems to take in his fate as cook for the cool kids?
The biggest reason for Jubbly Jamie's hate club? The mockney cockney. Mr.Oliver is said to have affected a style of speech vastly different from his Upper Crusty Cambridge "NO! I told you to caramelithse the PEARL onionth, infidel!" of his youth. Oliver's fast patter whilst cooking is a street hugging Cockney delivered in a lisp that seems to have sprung from a mouth with a tongue so swollen the man can't keep his mouth closed. "Ith not me thath naked me old darlingth ith the food. I've thripped it down to ith raw ingredienth" 
It could be this sensibilty that many share: That when a person does 'too many adverts for too many products in the same cheeky style his/her products turns sour and they become figures of ridicule; see also a talentless nutsack of immense proportions named Linda Barker.' Hatred quickly follows.
There is a "Punch the twat in the kitchen", similar to a "Morph a Celebrity site" both of which are mild compared to the time and skill many display when besmirching the smirking ones image. And, of course, there are a number of Jamie is a Wanker groups on Yahoo, many frequently unfrequented due to apathy, the new hate.
I took the time to put all of this together for a number of reasons. One, well, I'm not fond of the man. I think he'th annoying and pretenshuth. Two, when anyone in the U.K. takes a seething dislike to someone, the results are generally humorous as all hell. Americans usually don't take the time or make the effort to really vilify and summarily cut someone down as well as the UK crowd. The canker that is Oliver served me well last night while I was in a black mood. You can only see the word twat so many times before you cheer up.
Now, for anyone that wants to read real books about cooking by a real cook, I give you Anthony Bourdain. Dry, sharp humor by a man with attitude to spare. He can tell you why you shouldn't eat fish on Monday's while making you laugh your ass off.
3 comments:
Jennifer, if you ever get the chance to hang out with Ray, ask him very casually what he thinks of the man he affectionately refers to as 'that fat-tongued mockney bastard'. You will be entertained.
The picture of him as a woman is like some drunk guys worst nightmare to wake up to in the morning.
I've refrained from commenting on this, simply because there aren't enough swear words to describe that, as Michael said, "fat-tongued mockney wanker". Luckily, he seems to have disappeared from our screens, but when he was on (in those fuckin' Sainsburys ads with his rented friends and bullshit lifestyle and fucking ridiculous scooter cocksucking lisping fuckin' FREAK), it was enough to bring out the Tourette's in me. And stopped me shopping at Sainsburys just in case there was the slightest chance of me turning into that nouveau-yuppie-thick-tongued-mockney-cockhead.
And please, don't get me started on Linda fucking Barker. Why would anyone put this woman on the telly? She sounds deeply and genetically retarded.
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