She's Making a List

It's that time of year again.

The time of year in which I have to scrape my windshield (and as a small woman driving a big truck, this has got to have a humor factor for anyone watching), I have to get Christmas cards (annoying in that you send them to people, they look at them twice and put them 'somewhere' but finding the 'perfect' card is so freakishly important) and, agonizingly, the time of year serious thought must be given to Christmas shopping.

I do as much as I can online because I find malls at this time of year harrowing and very much indicative of J.P. Sartre's quote, "Hell is others." I hope whomever decreed that this holiday should be about spending a boat load of money on lots of people suffers from eternal Christmas shopping as his punishment.

But, there are some good places to find not quite so humdrum gifts. It depends on how well you know your target, your level of intimacy, their gender, whether they've gotten you crap gifts in the past and whether or not they have a sense of humor. Are they intellectual, a collector, manly, girly, a cook, sane? All of these questions fly through your mind as you stare at the latest crop of Chia Pets and thumb through a 'Pagans 'R Us' catalog.And there's always at least one person one everyone's list that is nearly impossible to buy for.... Dad! And, I've found the perfect gift for any blocked writers on your list!
UPDATE: This is truly a great gift that actually does keep on giving! The whole site is filled iwth items that can be purchased for your loved ones willing helping others. Now, that's the spirit!

Shopping online is a great way to avoid lines, surly retail people, parking, weather, traffic and that damned 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' song which is most certainly some kind of hideous torture device stores use to get you the hell out when they want to close. Of course, it is included in the ever burgeoning animated Christmas decorations - a trend that irks me no end. Christmas is Las Vegas enough without more flashing lights and bad music. The time and money spent on just decorations could keep entire nations fed and shod for a year.

When you finally get all of that stuff, then you've got to wrap it all. Some are not born to wrap. And the tendency to wrap everything at once is just masochistic. Add it to the list of don't do's and you'll be the happier for it. Although wrapping after getting nogged is quite amusing.

For those that bellow that is the reason for the season, I point you to the pagan holidays that abound this time of year. I am more than sure that church officials knew the only way to win the heathens away from all of those false idols was to give them an alternative. Let's face it, no one knows when Jesus was born but in ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis was celebrated on December 25th with a full display of all seven deadly sins.

In the end, I still love Christmas. I cringe at the sight of talking wreaths and and garish lighting accoutrements, but I go full kid when I see ornaments and when we unpack the family decorations each year. When I get the perfect present for someone, I can't wait to watch them open it - in the end, that's more fun then getting stuff myself. What I really love is that this is the time of year I hear from old friends, spend time with my people and I am excused for giddy behavior due to holiday cheer.

What do I really wish for? I'm going to go all Miss America on you - world peace. What I'll settle for - well, just check my Amazon wishlist. I'll keep it updated as the gifts pour in. It's the least I can do.