2004-11-28

Tie a yellow cravat round my old oak tree....

For the man that has everything and wants to show it off: I give you, in a cyber sense only, the penis tie.

Designer Neven Vrgoc said: "The ties are of a special shape and do not go around the neck of the man, but around his member.

"I hope male customers will buy them to create a good impression on a first date, or women might present them to men when they have been totally satisfied.

"There will also be a special certificate of excellence that will go with the tie and on which the woman will be able to fill out details of the individual's performance."

"I hope to have a full range in the shops by Christmas," he said. (A ring-a-ding-ding!)

Contact the designer from his site and a tie, designed just for you, will be created.

12 comments:

Ray Banks said...

"I hope male customers will buy them to create a good impression on a first date, or women might present them to men when they have been totally satisfied."

How arrogant is that, wearing it on a first date? Of course, it's tempered slightly by the fact that a guy would look like a complete blithering mental case.

And as for women presenting them to men... well, a "thanks" would suffice.

John Rickards said...

I dunno. Imagine going to a posh restaurant...

"I'm sorry sir, but we require all our male patrons to wear a tie."

"But I am!"

*zzzzzzip*

*flop*

"Jolly good, sir. I'll have someone show you to your table."

John Rickards said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jen Jordan said...

'Flop'? Please tell me that isn't the true assigned sound of implied appendage? Why not some manly sound like, 'Bumph' or 'Voomp'or 'Whomp'?

'Flop'is better than ''Plop', 'Clunk' or 'Oink', though.

Anonymous said...

Where do we go to see the removed posts. Is there a private site for a select few?

Jen Jordan said...

This is not the Bones Club and there is no secret site - the html code involved taxes my mind in mere consideration.

Most likely, dear John removed a repeat post. No doubt, the massive tea binge has his mind a bit boggled.

John Rickards said...

It was indeed a repeat post. I've been having a tough time accessing the comments page on Jen's blog all day, which is seriously harming my smut and innuendo quota, dammit!


And as for the noise, I figured 'flop' was more realistic. I mean, you say 'whomp' and I immediately picture someone beating a dusty carpet.

And it *is* better than 'oink' (Bryon, I'm looking at you), and considerably better than a mechanical ratcheting noise followed by a 'bing!'...

Jen Jordan said...

Ah! The machine that goes 'Bing!' Isn't that the most expensive machine in the hospital?

John Rickards said...

I'm not sure the association of a delivery room and a man showing off his schlong tie is really one I want to make.

Through the medium of a Python, at that!

Jen Jordan said...

It was either that or go for the Inspector Gadget inference....

John Rickards said...

"Go go Gadget Todger!"

Ew, yeah.

Jen Jordan said...

Go go Gadget Mop!