Stop Using Sex as a Weapon

A 37-year-old man, from Nordfjordeid, Norway, remains in police custody today.

The charge?

Assault with a dildo.

The 28-year-old victim, his former girlfriend, remains in the hospital after suffering a concussion, two broken fingers and several cuts.

The woman told police she feared for her life during the assault.

The defendant testified that his only weapon was a dildo and claimed he was sorry for his actions. He also tried to explain away the event.

"It lasted 10 to 15 minutes, max," he told the court. "I didn't hit her with anything other than a dildo."

He intimated the woman may have had bruises from before the assault.

"She doesn't tolerate much because of anorexia," he said, adding that he was sorry "for what happened" and demanding he be released.

He was instead ordered held for another four weeks.


JD Rhoades said...

I had a case like that a few years ago...a guy came in, wanted to sue his girlfriend because she'd tried to run him over with her car. I looked at the accident report, then called the officer who'd investigated. He chuckled and told me, "Son, you don't want no part of this case."

I asked him what he meant.

He said, "well, first off, this couple has been a pain in our ass down here for years. They're always breakin' up, takin' out papers, gettin' back together, and so on...anyway, this time, they were broke up, and he decided for whatever reason he was goin' to get back in the house. He broke the back door lock, went in their room and started rummaging through her closets. After a while, he...well, he found somethin'."

"What?" I asked.

"Umm...let's just call it a back massager."

"A back massager?"

There was a long pause. "Son," he said finally, "I ain't never used the word dildo in a police report and I ain't about to start now."

"Ah," I said.

"Well, she come home about this time and they started fightin'."

"Why?" I asked. "Was she comparing him unfavorably to the, ah, back massager?"

"Dunno. But he hit her with it four or five times and then ran out. He jumped on his bicycle and tried to pedal away. She ran after him, got in the car, and tried to run over him. We've got 'em both charged."

"With what?"

"Well, she's charged with ADW (assault with a deadly weapon.) He's charged with assault on a female."

"Why isn't he charged with ADW?"

"Don't even go there, son."

Anyway, I got a letter from the insurance company the next week, and the adjuster wrote "We really look forward to trying this one to a jury."

He came in and dropped the case soon after.

Redneck love. It's a many-splendored thing.

Jennifer Jordan said...

That story if about ten times better than my original post. This is a fucked up world we live in, isn't it?

JD Rhoades said...

'Deed it is. And thank god. If not for that what would we write about?