He Gives Good Phone

Every phone call received could give women around the world larger breasts.

This according to Hideto Tomabechi, who helped deprogram members of the Aum Shinrikyo cult in Japan. What can deprogram some can re-program others. And from this was born an idea.

Tomabechi is cashing in on a ringtone he says will make breasts grow larger just by listening to it. The ringtones name:


Tomabechi says it's really a simple concept.

"Most would think it's a lie, but the techniques involved in the process have been known for some time and are the result of research I carried out in the '80s and '90s. I use sounds that make the brain and body move unconsciously. It's a technique involving subliminal effects."

This is no joke!

"It's a part of cognitive science. I suppose you could call it a kind of 'positive brainwashing,'" he says. "Sound waves travel in patterns that can be properly re-played."

There is a customer testimonial!

"I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped," says Chieri Nakayama, a 19-year-old pin-up model, tells Shukan Gendai. "But, incredibly, my 87-centimeter bust grew to 89 centimeters! It was awesome!"

For those not in search of bodacious bustiness, he'll soon have ringtones for memory improvement, baldness, nicotene addiction and a ringtone to make the opposite sex crave you.

But we're not done discussing the wonderful things that cellphones can do for you!

A new generation of mobile phones will be able to tell you if your breath smells.

A German electronics group called Siemens has developed a small sensor that lets you know if your breath is stinky.

"Our ceramic sensorised chips are smaller than one millimetre but they can pick up the smallest quantities of gas," Maximillian Fleischer told The Times. The sensors reacts to airbourne (or breath bourne) chemicals and generates a signal when there's something fishy. Or beery. Or oniony.

Many of the sensors are strong enough to pick up other people's gaseous emissions or body odours.

Like you can't do that for yourself.

1 comment:

Sandra Ruttan said...

What will they think of next? And why isnt' there a penis enlarger?