2006-02-25

S'news to Me

A homeless and lonely Grady Allen Carnahan, 32, of Little Rock, Arkansas, was feeling a bit peckish.

He was spotted at the Little Rock Zoo hefting a trash can chock full of a confused and marginally terrified sheep. Carhanhan was heading toward the exit with is hoved prize when security guards approached and asked him what the hell he was doing.

Thinking quickly, Carnahan told a tale of the sad little mutton chop being terribly ill. He, Grady, was a doctor set to heal the hapless sheep of whatever ailed him. It. Implications that the sheep was headed to a veterinary clinic and not a cardboard box for a night of "affection" followed by being roast over a can of sterno were dismissed by the canny officers.

Carnahan fought with officers and shouts of "You can take my sheep from me but you'll never take away our love!" were not heard as they took him into custody.

He was arrested on a felony charge of violating an animal facility and the misdemeanor charges of criminal trespass, cruelty to animals, resisting arrest, and theft of property.

The sheep was returned to its pen at the zoo, wise now to the old "I've got a carrot in my pocket for you," trick.

Meanwhile, back at the Bat Gas 'n Go Quicky Mart, a mildly stupid and frankly freaky couple were arrested in Pittsburgh after asking a clerk to microwave a faux penis filled with urine. Police say the woman who made up the bold half of the couple was going to use the penis to pass a drug test.

Me thinks the police may have that a little wrong.

But get this, the clerk wasn't aware of anything strange going on until she had microwaved the penis and had "noticed an odd smell."

The Bat Gas 'n Go Quicky Mart hastened to remove the microwave used in the heinous act.

2 comments:

Sean Chercover said...

Oh. My. God.

Jen, you are killing me with this stuff!

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